It's episode 199...and they cut off his bowling fingers...

Tucker and Dale vs. Evil (2010) tells the story of Tucker and Dale, two country-folk and close friends who head into the woods to fix up Tucker's new country retreat. Unfortunately, they are mistaken for psychopathic murderers by a group of college students who are camping near-by, and hilarity ensues.

We talk about the basics of putting up a load-bearing pillar; the benefits of avoiding being 'generally clumsy'; and the absolute essential nature of entering bodies of water at the waterline. 

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: when you see a college girl prancing around half naked, you do not call out my name!

Next week, Freddy's back in Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989).

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It's episode 198...and there's a girl in the garden.

Shaun of the Dead (2004) tells the story of down-on-his-luck Shaun. Dumped by his girlfriend Liz, stuck in a dead-end job and nursing a testy relationship with his step-father - he's desperate to turn his life around. Can he Go Round Mum's, Get Liz Back, and Sort (his) Life Out? Oh, and, there's a zombie apocalypse happening all around him.

We talk about the place that does all the fish, mull over the lack of options for smokers in public places in the modern world, chew over the best practice for bite wounds and share stories of misbehaving children being chased around gardens by adults wielding bits of wood.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: the front door is open...AGAIN.

Next week, Comedy Horror season continues with Tucker & Dale vs. Evil (2010)

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It's episode 195...and I'll never leave you alone again.

Dark Water (2002) tells the story of Yoshimi, a lady going through a messy divorce and custody battle for her daughter Ikuko. Their new apartment is far from ideal: there's a leaking ceiling, a surly building attendant, and there may or may not be the vengeful spirit of a dead child to deal with.

J-Horror Season continues and concludes with this unsung star of the horror genre. We talk about the benefits of living like a prepper; we compare other 'sad horror' movies; and discuss why wraith-like girls drenched in water keep cropping up in movies.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: There's a wet spot on my ceiling, and water dripping down from it.

Next week, it's Comedy Horror season with Shaun of the Dead (2004)

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It's episode 195...and thank you for the effort.

Ju-on: The Grudge (2002) tells the story of a brutal murder, a deadly curse and a house so haunted it stays with you wherever you go. We follow many different visitors to the deadly Saeki house - can any of them solve the mystery and - more importantly - will any of them survive?

We kick off J-Horror season with somewhat of an ugly duckling, but an influential and creative ugly duckling nonetheless. We discuss Onryō, ask whether J-Horror is often scarier than Western horror, and delve into Japanese folklore for the one foolproof way of dealing with vengeful ghosts (don't forget your swords and your prayer books).

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Those who encounter it die, and a new curse is born.

Next week, J-Horror season continues with Hideo Nakata's Dark Water (2002)

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It's episode 194... Jesus, Paul you did a number on my back...

Cabin Fever (2002) tells the story of a group of horror movie teenagers who go to a cabin in the woods to 'party'. Unfortunately, there's an outbreak of a deadly skin eating virus, and the group are soon fighting to survive against the disease, some hillbillies, and each other.

We talk about the importance of a robust personal sexual health system; we give advice to the world's least-travelled hermit; and we discuss the fundamentals of ad-hoc quarantine procedure.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

And the answer? That guy asked for our help and we lit him on fire!

Next week, we're saying konichiwa to Ju-On: The Grude (2002).

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It's episode 1... and things are finally as they should be!

Chris has been sacked and now Joe hosts the podcast all by himself, and everyone agrees it is much better now. It's goodbye to bad rubbish, as Joe gets to run the show how he wants.

The reviews are more insightful; the jokes are much funnier; and The One True King finally gets to speak his mind.

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: No animals were harmed in the making of this podcast!

There's even a secret easter egg for fans of Jurassic Park (1993).

We may or may not return to our regular schedule next week with Cabin Fever (2002).

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It's episode 193...and that's not a knife... this is a knife!

Wolf Creek (2005) tells the story of Ben, Kristy and Liz; three friends who are travelling around the Australian outback visiting tourist sites. When their car breaks down, they are assisted by Mick, a local hermit who may or may not turn out to be a lunatic who tortures and kills people. You'll just have to watch it to find out.

We talk about the importance of striking out clear boundaries in a negotiation; the cost/benefit of closing the distance when using a ranged weapon; and the importance of bludgeoning a wounded enemy.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

And the answer? Well, I can tell you, but then... I'll have to kill you...

Next week, we're keeping it early 00's grungey horror with Eli Roth's Cabin Fever (2002).

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It's episode 192...and my friend, you suffer from the misplaced optimism of the doomed

Snowpiercer (2013) tells the story of Curtis and the passengers above the Snowpiercer, a super-train filled with the sole survivors of an accidental man-made ice age. Forced to live as an underclass, Curtis and his peers stage a violent rebellion and begin to fight their way up the train to take control.

We talk about which train guards should carry the guns; the importance of telling your daughter the truth to prevent her becoming a drug addict; and the inherent nuisance of walking through a nightclub whenever you need to be fitted for a new suit.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: You've seen what people do without leadership. They devour one another.

Next week, we're down under for Wolf Creek (2005).

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It's episode 192...and good riddance. Always giving to others instead of to yourself. Why did you live like that? What was the point? What a load of crap.

Train to Busan (2016) tells the story of Seok-Woo, who just wants to take his daughter to visit her mother on her birthday. They board a train in Seoul, bound for Busan, but a zombie outbreak on and around the train causes disruption to their journey...

We talk about the tight-rope walk of deciding whether to stay hidden or fight through zombies; the dangers of texting while driving; and the absolute tragedy of rendering your portable games console importable by keeping it in its box.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: This is the lever and this is the brake... use it only when it's not dangerous, all right?

Next week, Train Season continues with Snowpiercer (2013).

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Before Chris and Joe sat down to record our podcast on As Above, So Below they had a pre-recording chat about Avengers: Endgame and a bit about Game of Thrones (but only up to penultimate episode The Bells). If you're not caught up on the MCU or Game of Thrones, consider this your spoiler warning!

Don't expect huge revelations or insights, but do expect casual discussion of the right and wrong way to undercut fan expectations, being a canon nerd and the impact of Marvel on the film industry as a whole.

We're back with our usual podcast on Wednesday with the brilliant Train to Busan (2016).

It's episode 191...and as I believe the world to be, so it is.

As Above, So Below (2014) tells the story of intrepid historian Scarlett Marlowe who, along with her friend George, documentarian Benji and a trio of Parisian guides, enters the Catacombs under Paris to find the tomb of Nicholas Flamel, and maybe with it the key to eternal life.

We take a descent through Dante's Inferno, have banters eternal, ask ourselves how much prior knowledge of historical literature should be expected for what appears to be a schlocky Hollywood horror, and stress the importance of taking a mental health day when the spectres of your dead relatives appear to be haunting your waking world.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: The only way out is down.

Next week, we're going off the rails for the beginning of the long-awaited 'Train Season' - it's Train to Busan (2016)!

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In a move which is completely out of character, Joe accidentally watched the wrong movie in preparation for this week's show.

As such, we're taking a week away from the studio while he gathers his thoughts, and we're re-releasing our 10th ever episode: Titanic (1997).

Long time fans will love the trip down memory lane. New fans will wonder how we managed to squeeze out another 180 episodes...

Tune in next week for the correct film: As Above, So Below (2014).

It's episode 190...and if the food don't kill you, the service will!

We're back in Elm Street for yet another bout with Freddy in Renny Harlin's A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)! Kristen, Kincaid and Joey (how could we forget?!) return, but with Freddy vanquished at the end of The Dream Warriors, surely a happy ending awaits them all? Surely it won't all go wrong as the result of a dog pissing fire on a grave? Surely?

We talk about baffling nursery rhyme-ex-machinas, roach motels, meta movie editing gags and ask ourselves whether we even care about the the Elm Street lore anyway - and yes, we chat about fire-pissing dogs. Fire-pissing dogs! 

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: You can check in...but you can't check out!

Next week, we're going underground in Paris for catacombs horror As Above, So Below (2014)!

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It's episode 189...and three months ago, I was cutting grass on my front yard. The mailman shows up with a letter from the army. Now I'm here, and no idea where I'm going to end up.

In Overlord (2018), what should be a straightforward air-invasion of Nazi-occupied France runs into trouble when Private Boyce and his colleagues find a Nazi zombie lab in a church basement. 

We discuss the risks of taking unlabelled medication; the merits of shooting dogs; and we ask whether a movie about mad Nazi-Scientists accidentally creating super-powered zombies pushes the limits of good taste.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Thank you for making me the man I now am

Next week, try to stay awake for A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)

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It's episode 188...and we're doing anything to get into the top 50...

It's Cam (2018), which sees Alice's world turned upside down by an imposter on her cam girl channel. The imposter looks and sounds like Alice enough to convince her carefully cultivated audience, but does things Alice would never do. Who or what is behind it?

We talk about the cost/benefit of faking an orgasm on webcam; why the decision to destroy one's own nasal passage shouldn't be taken lightly; and the merits of removing your body from an electrical circuit before turning it on.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: If you get us into the top 10, we'll take all our clothes off.

Next week, it's not a Cloverfield movie, it's Overlord (2018).

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It's episode 187...and if you wanna get crazy, we can get crazy!

This week Jordan Peele, the new darling of horror cinema, returns with Us (2019). Us tells the story of the Wilsons, a lovely middle-class American family who one night find themselves confronted by menacing doppelgangers. Can they survive, and uncover the wider conspiracy threatening to turn American society on its head?

We unpack the myriad delights of Peele's thematically dense horror movie, confront impossible underground tunnels and chew over rabbit starvation - at least, I think we do. Maybe we've just been posing as podcasters our whole lives...

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: They won't stop until they kill us... or we kill them.

Next week, we're (un)covering Daniel Goldhaber & Isa Mazzei's camgirl horror Cam (2018) available on Netflix. 

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Hey, it's episode 186, and now you've got to pick up the phone!

Happy Death Day (2017) tells the story of a human called Tree who finds herself in a timeloop. It's her birthday, but someone is out to get her, and every time they do, Tree wakes up and is forced to relive the whole day again.

We discuss the importance of covering your tracks when it comes to murder; the best thing to do when you've got unlimited time on your hands; and Joe's marriage is put to the test by a certain time-travelling actress...

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Would you stop looking at me like I just took a dump on your mom's head? 

Next week, who are the best podcast hosts around?. It's Us (2019)

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It's episode 184, and we're on the continent for feel-good French fun...

Martyrs (2008) tells the story of Lucie, a young girl who is kidnapped and tortured as a child, but is able to escape. Years later, she seeks revenge on her kidnappers, but she (along with her friend Anna) get more than they bargain for...

We discuss the worst helmet design of any experiment ever; the sheer arrogance of undertaking massive medical procedures yourself; and the very clear need for surgeons to wear gloves when handing out savage beatings.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Martyrs are exceptional people...

Next week, French Extremism / Revenge season continues with Revenge (2018).

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It's episode 183, and our memories are filled with every f*ck-up we've ever made.

Upgrade (2018) tells the story of Grey, a mechanic who has his spine severed in a brutal mugging, in which his wife is killed. Now paralysed from the neck down, Grey is offered the chance to walk again when a shady tech wizard offers him a computer chip which can control his body. STEM is implanted, and Grey can walk again - but was it a bad idea to hand over control of his body to an artificial intelligence? (...Yes)

We discuss the high risk, low reward of installing a shotgun in your arm; the importance of installing alarms in your opium den; and the best time to play your nanobot trump card.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I cannot allow us to be killed.

Next week, it's French Extremism / Revenge season with Martyrs (2008).

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It's episode 182, and if anyone tries to stop me, the old geezer gets it!

RoboCop (1987) is the story of Alex Murphy, a police officer in dystopian Detroit who gets shot to bits by thugs and rebuilt as a part-man, part-machine enforcer. He's supposed to keep the peace, but does OCP, the shady corporation who built him, have an ulterior motive? Yes. Yes they do.

We discuss the importance of iterative design, the faulty logic of kicking the groin of a metallic man, and why it should be less Cop and more Robo when it comes to designing your perfect cyborg enforcer.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Dead or alive, you're coming with me!

Next week, it's we continue Cyber-Modification-Body-Horror season with Leigh Whannel's splatter-tastic Upgrade! (2018).

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It's episode 181, and we are the things that were and shall be again!

Evil Dead II (1987) is  Sam Raimi's cult classic follow-up to cult classic The Evil Dead (1981), and like all good sequels it doubles down on the splatter, chainsaws, and eyebrow-raising violence, once again starring the best eyebrow-raiser in the business: Bruce Campbell!

We talk about maintaining basic sanitation in a remote, demon-plagued cabin; whether Raimi's style leaves us too busy laughing to ever be scared; and most importantly of all we discuss which power tools would make for the best prosthetic limbs in day-to-day life.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: He has fallen from the sky to save us from the deadites, he's a hero!

Next week, it's the start of Cyber-Modification-Body-Horror season with action classic Robocop! (1987).

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It's episode 180, and good night darling. Say your prayers. Oh, by the way, your dad and I just torched some maniac last night.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987) tells the story of Kristen, a young girl who is haunted by a marauding maniac in her dreams. That maniac is Freddy Krueger - and when she is placed in a psychiatric home for teenagers, she realises all of the other patients are also haunted by Freddy. Luckily, the main one from the original movie is now a dream doctor and she can help them out. No, really.

We talk about sartorial responsibility at funerals; the ultimate guide to lucid dreaming whenever you want to; and we try to get to grips on a franchise which has already spun wildly out of control. 

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: There will be no repeat occurrences of last night's events. From now on your doors will be locked during sleeping hours. We'll start a policy of evening sedation for everybody.

Next week, more franchise fun with Evil Dead 2 (1987).

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It's episode 179, and our mission is simple. We go in, and we take him out!

The Raid (2011) aka The Raid: Redemption follows Rama, a member of a Jakarta Special Forces squad who embark on an ill-fated assault on a drug lord's compound. Twists and turns (of limbs) ensue, as well as punches, kicks, stabbings, shootings, bottlings, bannisterings, bulbings and defenestrations in one of the bloodiest and bloody-brilliant-est films we've ever covered.

We talk about martial arts, musicals and Mad Dogs, why you should never antagonise a man with a gun who has a gun to your head (that's a fairly obvious one), and Joe reveals why, in the life and death game of Tekken, there's only one motto to remember: invite them to dinner, and feed them.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: They'll come here. They'll tear this place to the ground.

Next week, we're back on our franchise bullshit with A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)

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It's episode 178, and there is nothing we can hold onto in this world. Only by letting go can we truly possess what is real.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000) tells the story of Li Mu Bai, a fearsome warrior with 'last day on the job' syndrome, and Yu Shu Lien, another fearsome warrior who is in love with him. Before they can retire and live out their lives together, they must deal with Jen Yu, another fearsome warrior who is the daughter of a local official and Jade Fox, another fearsome warrior who killed Li Mu Bai's master (another fearsome warrior) and is now hiding as Jen's servant.

We talk about one of the most compelling visions for an action movie ever; a potted history of wuxia; and the benefits of a chainmail snood.

All of which leads to one important question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: No growth without assistance. No action without reaction. No desire without restraint. Now give yourself up and find yourself again.

Next week, we're fighting our way through The Raid (2011).

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