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It's episode 255...and here I am. A survivor attempting to tell my story, and find healing.
Halloween Ends (2022) tells the story of Corey Cunningham, a babysitter who gets more than he bargained for when he accidentally kills the child in his care. Avoiding jail time, he falls in love with Allison, the granddaughter of Laurie Strode, who is now fully recovered from the trauma of the last 40 years. Don’t worry about it.
We talk about the most bewildering film sequel(s) of all time; the benefits of relocating; and hypocrisy runs rife when Joe starts handing out advice on microphone discipline.
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: a psycho meets a freak show. This is a match made in heaven.
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How to Survive is back on a fortnightly basis, starting on Wednesday 21st September with Jordan Peele's Nope and Ti West's X on Wednesday 5th October after that.
If you don't want to wait that long, head over to Patreon.com/HowToSurvivePod, where for $3 a month you can get every episode a week early, plus a bonus episode every month AND help us decide what films we cover next.
Thanks for joining us, as ever, and feel free to get in touch on HowToSurviveShow@gmail.com or @HowToSurvivePod on Twitter.
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod
It's Christmas! And the first of our 2021 Christmas specials.
Better Watch Out (2016) tells the story of Ashley, a babysitter and her charge, Luke. In the run-up to Christmas, Luke wants to try to seduce Ashley, but before he can make his move, a home invasion makes an already uncomfortable situation much less comfortable.
We talk about the importance of trigger safety; the merits of a 'less is more' approach to seduction; and we ask how much of a Christmas movie this really is.
All of which leads to one important question: how would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: She's like twice your age. I really don't think it's gonna happen.
Next time, Christmas continues apace.
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How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod
It's Christmas!...and you want the moon? Just say the word, and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down.
It's a Wonderful Life (1946) is perhaps the definitive uplifting Christmas film, and so what better way to sign off a universally terrible year than by listening to two smug pricks picking it to pieces?
Downtrodden and destitute, George Bailey contemplates suicide. As his guardian angel learns about George, we see the highs and lows of a life full of the ordinary ups and downs, pains and joys the world can foist upon you, and learn that however bad things seem, cheer, love and support can be found in your loved ones, your community, and your hope for a brigher future. Unless you're Mr Potter.
Join us as we get painfully earnest at the end of an awful year, hail the gold standard of classical filmmaking, share our heartbreak for cinema's most honest and beloved protagonist and hope that wherever you are, whoever you are, this podcast finds you healthy and happy, with better days ahead.
All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: You see George, you've really had a wonderful life. Don't you see what a mistake it would be to just throw it away?
Next time it's back to our regularly scheduled programming with The Nun (2018).
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How to Survive is on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod
It's episode 224... and change doesn't happen spontaneously.
The Platform (2019) (or El Hoyo (2019) depending on whether you are in spain or not), tells the story of Gorreng, a man who wakes up in a vertical prison of several hundred floors. Each day, a platform lowers food from the top floor downwards, with prisoners relying on the lack of greed of those above them in order to eat. Why? Well, why not?
We talk about the benefits of a mobile vegetable patch; how to make sure your message is received by delivering it in person; and the importance of really thinking through the design of a prison system before you open.
All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: hunger releases that madman in us.
Join us next time as we go Back to the Future (1985).
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We're still on hiatus.
But guess what - we're going to the polls to decide Joe's child's first ever movie.
Download to find out more - and take advantage of the fact that we've currently disabled billing on our Patreon so you can listen to everything for free! www.patreon.com/howtosurvivepod
Get in touch: howtosurviveshow@gmail.com
How to Survive is on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod
It's episode 215...and break, my heart, for I must hold my tongue.
Hamlet (1996) tells the story of Prince Hamlet. After his father dies in a suspicious orchard accident, Hamlet struggles to adjust to life with his uncle as his new stepdad. The same uncle is also the king now, and everyone is feeling very guilty, and before long Hamlet kills someone by accident, and then a bunch of other people die. It's four hours long
We discuss rotten happenings in the state of Branagh, give advice to the King on how to better hide your guilt or otherwise replicate a successful crime, and ask if this is the most expensive vanity project ever?
All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Hide fox and all after!
Next week, it's four hours of fun with Kenneth Branagh and Hamlet (1996).
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How to Survive is on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod
It's episode 212...and all I have Joe has are negative thoughts.
Joker (2019) reimagines the iconic DC supervillain as the pitiful Arthur Fleck, clown-for-hire and aspiring stand-up comedian. Life is hard for the downtrodden Arthur as he struggles to make his mark against the backdrop of a Gotham City on the brink of chaos. Could a kindly neighbour, a shot at stardom and the identity of his absent father all prove a ray of hope for Arthur? Or, instead, will they precipitate his spiral into violent mania as the world begins to burn.
We talk about Joaquin and wackos, denial and De Niro, zany scores and Scorsese, and ask if Joker is a dangerous film, if it's the best film of 2019 and if will it lead to the violent uprising some fear.
Plus can you or can you not joke about anything these days?
All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I had a bad day.
Next week it's what will surely prove to be the film of 2019: Terminator: Dark Fate.
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In a move which is completely out of character, Joe accidentally watched the wrong movie in preparation for this week's show.
As such, we're taking a week away from the studio while he gathers his thoughts, and we're re-releasing our 10th ever episode: Titanic (1997).
Long time fans will love the trip down memory lane. New fans will wonder how we managed to squeeze out another 180 episodes...
Tune in next week for the correct film: As Above, So Below (2014).
It's episode 189...and three months ago, I was cutting grass on my front yard. The mailman shows up with a letter from the army. Now I'm here, and no idea where I'm going to end up.
In Overlord (2018), what should be a straightforward air-invasion of Nazi-occupied France runs into trouble when Private Boyce and his colleagues find a Nazi zombie lab in a church basement.
We discuss the risks of taking unlabelled medication; the merits of shooting dogs; and we ask whether a movie about mad Nazi-Scientists accidentally creating super-powered zombies pushes the limits of good taste.
All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Thank you for making me the man I now am
Next week, try to stay awake for A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)
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It's episode 183, and our memories are filled with every f*ck-up we've ever made.
Upgrade (2018) tells the story of Grey, a mechanic who has his spine severed in a brutal mugging, in which his wife is killed. Now paralysed from the neck down, Grey is offered the chance to walk again when a shady tech wizard offers him a computer chip which can control his body. STEM is implanted, and Grey can walk again - but was it a bad idea to hand over control of his body to an artificial intelligence? (...Yes)
We discuss the high risk, low reward of installing a shotgun in your arm; the importance of installing alarms in your opium den; and the best time to play your nanobot trump card.
All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I cannot allow us to be killed.
Next week, it's French Extremism / Revenge season with Martyrs (2008).
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HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com
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As a special bonus: a movie which wasn't worth a full episode.
Did Glass (2018) live up to the hype?
We talk about disappointments; missed opportunities; and a masterclass in turning interesting ideas into unadulterated boredom.
All of which leads to one question:
How would you survive?
Get in touch with your thoughts: Howtosurviveshow@gmail.com
And we'll see you on Wednesday for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000).
It's episode 171 and this is for all you new people: I have only one rule. Everybody fights, no one quits. If you don't do your job, I'll kill you myself! Welcome to the Roughnecks!
Starship Troopers (1997) is the story of Johnny Rico and his friends, who graduate from high school and immediately join earth's galactic military in order to wage war on a foreign planet inhabited by gigantic insects.
We talk about securing the right tools for the job; remind ourselves of the basics of gun safety; and reflect on the dangers of a battlefield romance.
All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I need a corporal. You're it, until you're dead or I find someone better.
Next week, a delightful double with Suspiria (1977) and Suspiria (2018).
Get in touch!
HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com
Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod