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How to Survive

'How to Survive' is a film review podcast with a twist. The discussion centres around one key question: 'How would you survive in this movie?' Each episode centres around one classic movie. Often, they are horror movies, but there are also lots of thrillers, action movies, adventure movies and the occasional romantic drama for good measure. If you've ever rolled your eyes when the victim goes outside alone; tutted when the killer returns from the dead; or shouted 'DON'T GO IN THERE!', this is the podcast for you. If you have ideas on How to Survive, or recommendations for films we should consider, send them over to: HowToSurviveShow@Gmail.com
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Now displaying: Category: general
Nov 29, 2023

What could it mean?

Aug 30, 2023
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.
 
It's episode 274...and what touched this place cannot be quantified or understood by human science.
 
Color out of Space (2019) tells the story of the Gardener family, who have recently left the city to start farming alpacas. As they begin to embrace country life, a meteor lands on their property, bringing with it unseen and unimaginable horrors.
 
Cosmic Horror season wraps up with the movie that's widely considered to be the best H.P. Lovecraft adaptation. We talk about the benefits of embracing firearms; some straightforward PPE advice; and the failures of a public health official to do even a rudimentary job.
 
All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?
 
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: It came from the stars... where things ain't like they are here.
 
Jump on Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to suggest what we should cover next! 
Jun 21, 2023
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.
 
It's episode 269...and Allow me to tell you a little bit about my wormhole. I was born in a sandwich hat, and I wolf many cabbages.
 
M3gan (2022) tells the story of Gemma, a roboticist at a toy manufacturing company. Gemma becomes guardian to her niece, Cady, following the deaths of Cady's parents. Early in the guardianship she introduces Cady to M3gan, an experimental android toy that could be any child's best friend - but let's be honest, it's probably not going to end well.
 
We discuss ethics in AI; Asimovian ideals; legal precedents for toy manufacturers getting it wrong; and Chris wonders how his foot would fare against several inches of titanium.
 
All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?
 
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: That's what spontaneous response is. It's a curated word salad plucked from a sea of data to sound deliberate.
 
Next time on the How to Survive podcast, it's Sleepaway Camp (1983) - or head to Patreon.com/howtosurvivepod for next week's bonus: Saloum (2021).
Jun 7, 2023
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.
 
It's episode 268...and Life is fleeting. Life is short, too short. So you gotta use every moment.
 
Fall (2022) tells the story of Becky, a climbing hobbyist who has descended into a deep depression following the death of her partner one year earlier--no prizes for guessing what happened to him. Becky's friend Hunter knows there's only one thing that can break Becky out of her funk, and that's coercing her into climbing a rickety 2000ft radio tower in the middle of the desert with no support and without telling anyone their plans. What could possibly go wrong?
 
We discuss an absolutely textbook 'My First Horror' film, a classic tale of bad friends behaving badly, an update on the recent misadventures of YouTubers, and the dignity of stuffing a shoe into your friends abdomen in the name of survival. Plus, an update on our Vertical Limit episode--would Joe still free climb a crane for £1million?
 
All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?
 
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Don't you wanna punch fear in the dick?
 
Next month on the How to Survive podcast, it's 'Monkeys Running The Zoo' season, in which our lovely patrons choose the films we cover. Keep your eyes peeled!
May 10, 2023
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.
 
It's episode 266...and I've never seen anything so disgusting in all my life.
 
Scanners (1981) introduces us to Cameron Vale, a down-on-his-luck vagrant who unintentionally causes a seizure in a woman using the power of his mind. Captured by the mysterious ConSec, Cameron is brought into the murky world of Scanners, people with unusual telepathic and telekinetic abilities, only to find himself under threat from the nefarious Revok, a man unafraid to use his abilities to produce head-splattering results.
 
We discuss a somewhat disappointing Cronenberg entry, unflattering comparisons to Marvel films and Neil Breen, ponder the best tactics for capturing mind-control warriors and ask ourselves whether the best way to introduce yourself to someone is to essentially torture them from the get-go.
 
All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?
 
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: We're gonna do this the Scanner way. I'm gonna suck your brain dry!
 
Next time, strap yourselves in for 'Fear of Heights' season, opening with campy 90s action classic Cliffhanger (1993).
Mar 1, 2023
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.
 
It's episode 262...and All you people are so scared of me. Most days I'd take that as a compliment. But it ain't me you gotta worry about now.
 
Pitch Black (2000) tells the story of a group of spaceship crash survivors. Among them, the fearsome criminal maniac, Riddick. They promptly realise that the planet is inhabited by creatures that attack in the darkness. And unfortunately the planet is about to experience its first triple-eclipse in two decades. But luckily Riddick can see in the dark.... (honestly it's not as bad as it sounds...)
 
Join us as we outline the value of being nice and of ignoring compasses; query the evolutionary direction of an alien race; and stress the importance of not flying through meteorites after a meteorite-related crash.
 
All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?
 
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: You're 79 kilos of gutless white meat, and that's why you can't think of a better plan.
 
Next time, vampire season gets underway with The Lost Boys (1987)
 
Jan 18, 2023
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.
 
It's episode 259...and you don't think they're going to find them, do you?
 
The Black Phone (2022) tells the story of Finney and Gwen, brother and sister living in a 1970s Denver suburb. Children have been disappearing, and people live in fear of The Grabber, the mysterious individual that could be responsible. When Finney is kidnapped, he finds he is able to communicate with The Grabber's previous victims through a magical phone. Meanwhile, Gwen's supernatural abilities could hold the key to finding Finney before it's too late. Sounds like a Stephen King novel, you say? You must be Joe King.
 
We unpack a high-quality My First Horror movie that ably walks the tightrope of nastiness, discuss the best tactics for escaping a vehicle on foot, break down the safety features of 1970s freezers, and wonder whether this film features the most incompetent police officers we've ever seen.
 
All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?
 
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: A man never leaves a friend behind.
 
Next time, we're continuing our 2022 wrap-up with Bodies Bodies Bodies.
 
Dec 14, 2022
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.
 
It's episode 258...and please don’t say 'mouth feel.'
 
The Menu (2022) follows Margot on a dinner date with Tyler to the exclusive island restaurant Hawthorne. Hawthorne is a tasting menu experience designed by its reclusive and obsessive head chef Julian Slowik. The theme of Slowik's menus only make sense once you finish the final course, but it seems as though some of the diners might not make it that far.
 
We discuss a film serving up several courses-worth of delights, break down the key ingredients of a horror movie dinner scene, discuss the dishes we'd cook under pressure, and unravel the mysterious meanings of Slowik's dining experience as a whole.
 
All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?
 
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: There are NO substitutions at Hawthorne!
 
Next time, it's time for a festive treat that is yet to be decided.
 
 
Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod
Nov 2, 2022
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.
 
It's episode 254...and today I'm going to be taking the World's Fair challenge.
 
We're All Going to the World's Fair (2022) tells the story of Casey, a lonely young woman who finds companionship and purpose though taking part in a strange online role playing game called The World's Fair Challenge. As she updates the world on the physical and psychological changes she feels since taking the challenge, she forms an unusual and co-dependent connection with another individual who may have nefarious motives.
 
We talk about one of the most unique films we've ever covered, share our experiences with the dark corners of the internet, unpack the film's various allegories and deeper meanings and also dish out advice on how to create the most addictive and compulsive online video platform without care for your viewers.
 
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: someday soon, I am just gonna disappear, and you won't have any idea what happened to me.
 
We're back in two weeks with 'American Southern Gothic psychological horror drama film' What Josiah Saw (available on Shudder in the UK).
 
Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod
Oct 31, 2022

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more. 

It's episode 255...and here I am. A survivor attempting to tell my story, and find healing. 

Halloween Ends (2022) tells the story of Corey Cunningham, a babysitter who gets more than he bargained for when he accidentally kills the child in his care. Avoiding jail time, he falls in love with Allison, the granddaughter of Laurie Strode, who is now fully recovered from the trauma of the last 40 years. Don’t worry about it. 

We talk about the most bewildering film sequel(s) of all time; the benefits of relocating; and hypocrisy runs rife when Joe starts handing out advice on microphone discipline. 

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: a psycho meets a freak show. This is a match made in heaven.

Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

Oct 19, 2022
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.
 
It's episode 253...and I'm smarter than a beaver.
 
Prey (2022) tells the story of Naru, a young Commanche woman who is eager to be recognised as a great hunter. To earn the respect of her peers, she intends to hunt a creature which normally preys on humans... but it's a classic case of be careful what you wish for, as an intergalactic hunter equipped with lasers, invisibility and a bad attitude has just rolled into town.
 
We talk about the honour codes of intergalactic hunters; the importance of taking your chances; and the obvious benefits of silencing any gargles, coughs and clicks when you're trying to employ stealth.
 
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: If it bleeds, we can kill it.
 
We're back in two weeks with 'exhilarating gaming horror mash-up' (The Guardian), We're All Going to the World's Fair, or if you don't want to wait that long, sign up to our 'That's Fine' tier on Patreon to get it a week early!
 
Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod
Sep 20, 2022

How to Survive is back on a fortnightly basis, starting on Wednesday 21st September with Jordan Peele's Nope and Ti West's X on Wednesday 5th October after that.

If you don't want to wait that long, head over to Patreon.com/HowToSurvivePod, where for $3 a month you can get every episode a week early, plus a bonus episode every month AND help us decide what films we cover next.

Thanks for joining us, as ever, and feel free to get in touch on HowToSurviveShow@gmail.com or @HowToSurvivePod on Twitter.

Dec 24, 2021

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod

It's Christmas! And the first of our 2021 Christmas specials.

Better Watch Out (2016) tells the story of Ashley, a babysitter and her charge, Luke. In the run-up to Christmas, Luke wants to try to seduce Ashley, but before he can make his move, a home invasion makes an already uncomfortable situation much less comfortable. 

We talk about the importance of trigger safety; the merits of a 'less is more' approach to seduction; and we ask how much of a Christmas movie this really is.

All of which leads to one important question: how would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: She's like twice your age. I really don't think it's gonna happen.

Next time, Christmas continues apace.

Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

Dec 25, 2020

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod

It's Christmas!...and you want the moon? Just say the word, and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down.

It's a Wonderful Life (1946) is perhaps the definitive uplifting Christmas film, and so what better way to sign off a universally terrible year than by listening to two smug pricks picking it to pieces?

Downtrodden and destitute, George Bailey contemplates suicide. As his guardian angel learns about George, we see the highs and lows of a life full of the ordinary ups and downs, pains and joys the world can foist upon you, and learn that however bad things seem, cheer, love and support can be found in your loved ones, your community, and your hope for a brigher future. Unless you're Mr Potter.

Join us as we get painfully earnest at the end of an awful year, hail the gold standard of classical filmmaking, share our heartbreak for cinema's most honest and beloved protagonist and hope that wherever you are, whoever you are, this podcast finds you healthy and happy, with better days ahead.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: You see George, you've really had a wonderful life. Don't you see what a mistake it would be to just throw it away?

Next time it's back to our regularly scheduled programming with The Nun (2018).

Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com
Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

Sep 14, 2020
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod
 
It's episode 228...and seeing is not believing, it's the other way round. 
 
It's time for The Orphanage (2007). Laura has bought the orphanage she grew up in, and has high hopes for its re-establishment. But before long her son, Simon, goes missing, and Laura is haunted by... ghosts, grief, guilt? You'll have to see it to believe it, or believe it to see it.
 
We brandish the building surveys and blueprints; send in the safety standards; and forgo playtime in favour of getting the job done. 
 
All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?
 
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: One, Two. Three... Knock on the wall...
 
Next time, it's an offer that you can't refuse: The Godfather (1972).
 
Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com
Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod
Jul 3, 2020

How to Survive is on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod

It's episode 224... and change doesn't happen spontaneously.

The Platform (2019) (or El Hoyo (2019) depending on whether you are in spain or not), tells the story of Gorreng, a man who wakes up in a vertical prison of several hundred floors. Each day, a platform lowers food from the top floor downwards, with prisoners relying on the lack of greed of those above them in order to eat. Why? Well, why not?

We talk about the benefits of a mobile vegetable patch; how to make sure your message is received by delivering it in person; and the importance of really thinking through the design of a prison system before you open.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: hunger releases that madman in us.

Join us next time as we go Back to the Future (1985).

Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com

Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

Apr 13, 2020
The long awaited episode is finally here.
 
Joe sits down with his 3 month old son to discuss Stanley Kubrick's 1968 masterpiece, 2001: A Space Odyssey, and explains the film in detail even a starchild can understand.
 
You can expect:
- Stories of the film's production
- 2001's place in the history of Sci-Fi
- Interpretations of the film
- Cooing
 
There's even a little bit of survival chat to round off the episode.
 
Feel free to get in touch with you thoughts on this format: @howtosurvivepod on Twitter, or email howtosurviveshow@gmail.com.
 
Chris and Joe will be back soon with a regular How to Survive episode on The Invisible Man (2020).
 
Until then. stay safe x
Feb 10, 2020

We're still on hiatus.

But guess what - we're going to the polls to decide Joe's child's first ever movie.

Download to find out more - and take advantage of the fact that we've currently disabled billing on our Patreon so you can listen to everything for free! www.patreon.com/howtosurvivepod

Get in touch: howtosurviveshow@gmail.com

Nov 20, 2019

How to Survive is on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod 

It's episode 215...and break, my heart, for I must hold my tongue.

Hamlet (1996) tells the story of Prince Hamlet. After his father dies in a suspicious orchard accident, Hamlet struggles to adjust to life with his uncle as his new stepdad. The same uncle is also the king now, and everyone is feeling very guilty, and before long Hamlet kills someone by accident, and then a bunch of other people die. It's four hours long

We discuss rotten happenings in the state of Branagh, give advice to the King on how to better hide your guilt or otherwise replicate a successful crime, and ask if this is the most expensive vanity project ever?

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Hide fox and all after!

Next week, it's four hours of fun with Kenneth Branagh and Hamlet (1996).

Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com

Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

Oct 23, 2019

How to Survive is on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod 

It's episode 212...and all I have Joe has are negative thoughts.

Joker (2019) reimagines the iconic DC supervillain as the pitiful Arthur Fleck, clown-for-hire and aspiring stand-up comedian. Life is hard for the downtrodden Arthur as he struggles to make his mark against the backdrop of a Gotham City on the brink of chaos. Could a kindly neighbour, a shot at stardom and the identity of his absent father all prove a ray of hope for Arthur? Or, instead, will they precipitate his spiral into violent mania as the world begins to burn.

We talk about Joaquin and wackos, denial and De Niro, zany scores and Scorsese, and ask if Joker is a dangerous film, if it's the best film of 2019 and if will it lead to the violent uprising some fear.

Plus can you or can you not joke about anything these days?

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I had a bad day.

Next week it's what will surely prove to be the film of 2019: Terminator: Dark Fate.

Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com

Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

May 8, 2019

In a move which is completely out of character, Joe accidentally watched the wrong movie in preparation for this week's show.

As such, we're taking a week away from the studio while he gathers his thoughts, and we're re-releasing our 10th ever episode: Titanic (1997).

Long time fans will love the trip down memory lane. New fans will wonder how we managed to squeeze out another 180 episodes...

Tune in next week for the correct film: As Above, So Below (2014).

Apr 23, 2019

It's episode 189...and three months ago, I was cutting grass on my front yard. The mailman shows up with a letter from the army. Now I'm here, and no idea where I'm going to end up.

In Overlord (2018), what should be a straightforward air-invasion of Nazi-occupied France runs into trouble when Private Boyce and his colleagues find a Nazi zombie lab in a church basement. 

We discuss the risks of taking unlabelled medication; the merits of shooting dogs; and we ask whether a movie about mad Nazi-Scientists accidentally creating super-powered zombies pushes the limits of good taste.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Thank you for making me the man I now am

Next week, try to stay awake for A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)

Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com

Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

Mar 13, 2019

It's episode 183, and our memories are filled with every f*ck-up we've ever made.

Upgrade (2018) tells the story of Grey, a mechanic who has his spine severed in a brutal mugging, in which his wife is killed. Now paralysed from the neck down, Grey is offered the chance to walk again when a shady tech wizard offers him a computer chip which can control his body. STEM is implanted, and Grey can walk again - but was it a bad idea to hand over control of his body to an artificial intelligence? (...Yes)

We discuss the high risk, low reward of installing a shotgun in your arm; the importance of installing alarms in your opium den; and the best time to play your nanobot trump card.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I cannot allow us to be killed.

Next week, it's French Extremism / Revenge season with Martyrs (2008).

Get in touch!
HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com

Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

Feb 1, 2019

As a special bonus: a movie which wasn't worth a full episode.

Did Glass (2018) live up to the hype?

We talk about disappointments; missed opportunities; and a masterclass in turning interesting ideas into unadulterated boredom.

All of which leads to one question:

How would you survive?

Get in touch with your thoughts: Howtosurviveshow@gmail.com

And we'll see you on Wednesday for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000).

Dec 5, 2018

It's episode 171 and this is for all you new people: I have only one rule. Everybody fights, no one quits. If you don't do your job, I'll kill you myself! Welcome to the Roughnecks!

Starship Troopers (1997) is the story of Johnny Rico and his friends, who graduate from high school and immediately join earth's galactic military in order to wage war on a foreign planet inhabited by gigantic insects.

We talk about securing the right tools for the job; remind ourselves of the basics of gun safety; and reflect on the dangers of a battlefield romance.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I need a corporal. You're it, until you're dead or I find someone better.

Next week, a delightful double with Suspiria (1977) and Suspiria (2018).

Get in touch!
HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com

Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

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