This episode was originally released as a Patreon bonus. To find out more, head to Patreon.com/howtosurvivepod
It's time for the long-awaited 300th Episode Spectacular!
It's a bumper session, filled with correspondence and reflections - and we couldn't be more grateful to everyone who has been part of the fun.
You can also expect a few announcements about upcoming features - including a return to covering not one but TWO franchises.
Thanks for all your support. It means a huge amount that you've listened to, enjoyed, and kept listening to How to Survive over the years.
Love,
Chris and Joe xx
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.
It’s episode 298…and at 50, it all stops.
The Substance (2024) follows Elisabeth Sparkle, a fading Hollywood star who is fired from her TV fitness show when she reaches 50. Learning of ‘The Substance’, a black market pharmaceutical product that promises to create ‘a better version of you’, she signs up, producing Sue - a younger, idealised version of herself who soon finds the stardom Elisabeth has lost. But, despite being the same person, Elisabeth and Sue become increasingly fractious roommates, and as their contempt for one another grows, disaster ensues.
We break down one of the best films of the last year, a tour-de-force of body horror maximalism, featuring a million shots of an arse, disgusting eating sounds and jaw-dropping prosthetic effects. But is it good? Does it, while highlighting the objectification of women, objectify women in turn? And how much arse is too much arse? All this and more to come.
All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Everything comes from you. Everything is you. This is simply a better version of yourself.
aka Vermines (2023)
It’s episode 292…and are you interested in animals?
Infested/Vermines (2023) tells the story of Kaleb, a young man with a passion for selling sneakers and buying bugs. Living in a multicultural melting pot of a tower block, his friendships have become strained following the death of his mother. Can he reconnect with his Jordy, his childhood best friend, and reconcile with his sister Manon? Anything is possible if you move forward with grace and acceptance. Oh, and he also bought a new spider and it’s escaped. Probably fine.
We talk about a genuinely horrific set of spiders doing spider-y things, rave about the best bathroom scene since Mandy, pull apart the potential of PPE and wonder whether an armed policeman shouldn’t be more ‘yes and’ in his approach to life. All that, and the question on everybody’s lips - who would survive the spider tower best out of Batman, Spider-Man and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?
All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: something that kills that fast is impossible.
Next time on the main feed we’re catching up with the 2024 horror on everybody’s pale painted lips: Longlegs (2024).
It's Episode 284 and congratulations to Emma Jones in Monkeys Running the Zoo III.
Candyman (1992) tells the story of Helen, a grad-student investigating urban legends - or more specifically one urban legend about 'Candyman' - a hook-handed slasher who appears if you say his name five times in a mirror - and promptly disembowels you. Not much of an incentive to summon him overall, but what a premise!
We talk about correct police procedures; optimal concussion care; and rubbish foreplay - all before alighting on one major question: how would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: We're going to Disneyland!
Find more episodes at patreon.com/howtosurvivepod.
See you next month!
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.
It's episode 255...and here I am. A survivor attempting to tell my story, and find healing.
Halloween Ends (2022) tells the story of Corey Cunningham, a babysitter who gets more than he bargained for when he accidentally kills the child in his care. Avoiding jail time, he falls in love with Allison, the granddaughter of Laurie Strode, who is now fully recovered from the trauma of the last 40 years. Don’t worry about it.
We talk about the most bewildering film sequel(s) of all time; the benefits of relocating; and hypocrisy runs rife when Joe starts handing out advice on microphone discipline.
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: a psycho meets a freak show. This is a match made in heaven.
Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod
How to Survive is back on a fortnightly basis, starting on Wednesday 21st September with Jordan Peele's Nope and Ti West's X on Wednesday 5th October after that.
If you don't want to wait that long, head over to Patreon.com/HowToSurvivePod, where for $3 a month you can get every episode a week early, plus a bonus episode every month AND help us decide what films we cover next.
Thanks for joining us, as ever, and feel free to get in touch on HowToSurviveShow@gmail.com or @HowToSurvivePod on Twitter.
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod
It's Christmas! And the first of our 2021 Christmas specials.
Better Watch Out (2016) tells the story of Ashley, a babysitter and her charge, Luke. In the run-up to Christmas, Luke wants to try to seduce Ashley, but before he can make his move, a home invasion makes an already uncomfortable situation much less comfortable.
We talk about the importance of trigger safety; the merits of a 'less is more' approach to seduction; and we ask how much of a Christmas movie this really is.
All of which leads to one important question: how would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: She's like twice your age. I really don't think it's gonna happen.
Next time, Christmas continues apace.
Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod
It's Christmas!...and you want the moon? Just say the word, and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down.
It's a Wonderful Life (1946) is perhaps the definitive uplifting Christmas film, and so what better way to sign off a universally terrible year than by listening to two smug pricks picking it to pieces?
Downtrodden and destitute, George Bailey contemplates suicide. As his guardian angel learns about George, we see the highs and lows of a life full of the ordinary ups and downs, pains and joys the world can foist upon you, and learn that however bad things seem, cheer, love and support can be found in your loved ones, your community, and your hope for a brigher future. Unless you're Mr Potter.
Join us as we get painfully earnest at the end of an awful year, hail the gold standard of classical filmmaking, share our heartbreak for cinema's most honest and beloved protagonist and hope that wherever you are, whoever you are, this podcast finds you healthy and happy, with better days ahead.
All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: You see George, you've really had a wonderful life. Don't you see what a mistake it would be to just throw it away?
Next time it's back to our regularly scheduled programming with The Nun (2018).
Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com
Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod
How to Survive is on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod
It's episode 224... and change doesn't happen spontaneously.
The Platform (2019) (or El Hoyo (2019) depending on whether you are in spain or not), tells the story of Gorreng, a man who wakes up in a vertical prison of several hundred floors. Each day, a platform lowers food from the top floor downwards, with prisoners relying on the lack of greed of those above them in order to eat. Why? Well, why not?
We talk about the benefits of a mobile vegetable patch; how to make sure your message is received by delivering it in person; and the importance of really thinking through the design of a prison system before you open.
All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: hunger releases that madman in us.
Join us next time as we go Back to the Future (1985).
Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com
Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod
We're still on hiatus.
But guess what - we're going to the polls to decide Joe's child's first ever movie.
Download to find out more - and take advantage of the fact that we've currently disabled billing on our Patreon so you can listen to everything for free! www.patreon.com/howtosurvivepod
Get in touch: howtosurviveshow@gmail.com
How to Survive is on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod
It's episode 215...and break, my heart, for I must hold my tongue.
Hamlet (1996) tells the story of Prince Hamlet. After his father dies in a suspicious orchard accident, Hamlet struggles to adjust to life with his uncle as his new stepdad. The same uncle is also the king now, and everyone is feeling very guilty, and before long Hamlet kills someone by accident, and then a bunch of other people die. It's four hours long
We discuss rotten happenings in the state of Branagh, give advice to the King on how to better hide your guilt or otherwise replicate a successful crime, and ask if this is the most expensive vanity project ever?
All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Hide fox and all after!
Next week, it's four hours of fun with Kenneth Branagh and Hamlet (1996).
Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com
Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod