It's episode 58... and the deepest, bluest episode yet.
Deep Blue Sea (1999) tells the story of an off-shore research facility which becomes overrun by super-smart, super-strong, super sharks - and it's up to Dr. McCallister and her team to try to fend them off.
We discuss the risks of using rescue equipment to celebrate birthdays, the benefits of even the most rudimentary fail-safes in coast guard machinery; and the importance of a measured approach when using your own blood as bait.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...Grab hold of a hot pan, second can seem like an hour. Put your hands on a hot woman, an hour can seem like a second.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 57... and our gnarliest episode yet!
The Shallows (2016) tells the story of Nancy, a surfer who travels alone to a secluded beach in Mexico and is attacked by a shark. She then spends the rest of the film trying to survive against the shark.
We compare notes from around the web on shark survival tactics; confuse two factory-made British Girl Groups; and establish once-and-for-all the key difference between sharks and cats.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... It's okay... No Sharks Come Here.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 56... and a lesson in gardening...
The Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1976) tells the story of a Matthew Bennell and Elizabeth Driscoll, two officers at the Department of Health. The pair become embroiled in a fight for their lives when the population of the earth begin to be replaced by alien invaders.
We discuss the relative merits of living in an emotionless society; the benefits of a quick escape from danger; and the importance of avoiding comedic timing when delivering a joke which needs to conceal your emotions and reveal others' emotions.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... The rest of the world is trying to change people for fit the world. I'm trying to change the world to fit people.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 55... and we're having an identity crisis...
The Thing (1982) tells the story of a group of researchers in the antarctic who are infiltrated by an alien which can take on the form of any living thing it comes into contact with (but not before killing them first).
We discuss the difficulties of discerning between Scandinavian nationalities; the intricacies of the world's most advanced data analysis software; and just why a scientific research team has the weapons capabilities of a small country...
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... I'd rather not spend the rest of this winter TIED TO THE F*CKING COUCH!
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 54... and we're trying to cover the fact that we're actually cold, dead robots with a look at one of the coldest robots in modern cinema...
Ex Machina (2015) tells the story of Caleb; a young man who travels to visit the home of an elusive genius in order to carry out a turing test on the world's first fully intelligent robot - but all is not what it seems... and before long Caleb is plunged into a puzzle that causes him to question his ethics, his sanity and even his humanity...
We stress the importance of moderate alcohol consumption; the difficulties of data security in the digital age; and above all, the risks of falling head over heels in love with machinery.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... Isn't it strange, to create something that hates you?
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 53...which means How to Survive has been going on every week for a whole year, and we will not stop, ever, until you are dead.
This week we confront one of the most emotionless, mechanical, soulless creatures in Hollywood history - James Cameron! But wait, it's back when he was good! That's right, it's The Terminator (1984), with Arnold Schwarzenegger making his How to Survive bow as the titular technological terror.
We debate the questionable sleeping habits of technophobic time-travellers, wonder why the T-101's deadeye aim abandons him at the crucial moment, and ask ourselves just how much celebratory alcohol can two men drink before the podcast becomes completely nonsensical?
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...there's a storm coming.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 52...but have no fear little ones, we are here to protect thee!
This week we're diving into British horror classic The Omen (1976) to tackle cinema's most enduring troublesome tyke. US ambassador Robert Thorn is happily married with their child Damien in tow, but is the boy in question all he appears? Could he, or possibly an international satanic conspiracy dedicated to him, be responsible for the sudden and grisly deaths of Robert's friends and associates?
We debate nature vs nurture theories of child rearing, query whether political correctness really has gone mad and confront maybe the greatest terror we've ever faced - elevators in 1970s Italian hospitals.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...it's all for you Damien!
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 51... and a welcome return for cinema's greatest character!
Jason Lives: Friday the 13th Part VI (1986) tells the story of Tommy Jarvis (again) and his fight to overcome a hockey-masked murderer for the third time in a row. It will shock you to learn that some teenagers die in unbelievable ways, but it will shock you more to learn that the franchise has finally grown a sense of humour...
We talk about the greatest silent movie hero since Buster Keaton; the benefits of yoga in preventing a broken spine; and the benefits of using a lifejacket around open bodies of water.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... I've seen enough horror movies to know any weirdo wearing a mask is never friendly.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's The How to Survive Survivor's Hall of Fame 2016!
It's episode 50, so we're looking back over all the movies we've covered and deciding who should enter the How to Survive Hall of Fame for 2016.
Keep the Tweets coming in: @howtosurvivepod
Email us at: howtosurviveshow@gmail.com
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's The How to Survive Survivor's Hall of Fame 2016!
In this episode, we discuss a spotlight survivor. Someone who defied expectation and stood out as a model for everyone else in their movie, but didn't go quite far enough to make it into the Hall of Fame.
This is the third runner-up: Mark Watney
Keep the Tweets coming in: @howtosurvivepod
Email us at: howtosurviveshow@gmail.com
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's The How to Survive Survivor's Hall of Fame 2016!
In this episode, we discuss a spotlight survivor. Someone who defied expectation and stood out as a model for everyone else in their movie, but didn't go quite far enough to make it into the Hall of Fame.
This is the second runner-up: Chev Chelios
Keep the Tweets coming in: @howtosurvivepod
Email us at: howtosurviveshow@gmail.com
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's The How to Survive Survivor's Hall of Fame 2016!
In this episode, we discuss a spotlight survivor. Someone who defied expectation and stood out as a model for everyone else in their movie, but didn't go quite far enough to make it into the Hall of Fame.
This is the first runner-up: Rose DeWitt
Keep the Tweets coming in: @howtosurvivepod
Email us at: howtosurviveshow@gmail.com
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's The How to Survive Survivor's Hall of Fame 2016!
In the run up to the official Hall of Fame episode, we're releasing a series of mini episodes where we discuss our criteria for entering the Hall of Fame, and take a look at some of our favourite survivors.
This is the first episode: The Losers.
Keep the Tweets coming in: @howtosurvivepod
Email us at: howtosurviveshow@gmail.com
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 49... and time to kick some alien ass!
Independence Day: Resurgence (2016) tells the story of the brightest and bravest minds alive on planet earth as they defend the planet from another alien attack. Set 20 years after the original film, they can expect a bigger threat from a bigger, badder enemy. Without Will Smith...
We debate whether the movie is 'good fun' or 'unforgiveable rubbish'; the ethics of keeping prisoners of space wars; and the relative flaws in doing a job yourself when you have literally thousands of people to do it for you.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... it's definitely bigger than the last one...
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 48... with a twist you'll never see coming (or see coming within 2 minutes...)
Goodnight Mommy (2014) (known as Ich Seh Ich Seh in some territories) tells the story of twin boys Elias and Lukas as they adjust to their mother's new personality after she undergoes facial surgery. In time, they start to wonder whether she really is their mother, or an imposter hiding under the bandages...
We talk about the dangers of keeping a cockroach farm in your house; the benefits of an over-the-top approach to fire safety; and we ask whether this could a rare example of a trailer being immensely more enjoyable that the actual film.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... mum's the word!
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 47... all work and no play makes How to Survive a dull podcast..
The Shining (1980) tells the story of Jack Torrance and his family during their stint as caretakers of The Overlook Hotel. The hotel appears to be linked to some kind of supernatural force which combines clairvoyance, telepathy and general malevolence, eventually causing Jack's sanity to come into question.
We talk about the logistics of cross-country telepathy; how to stay motivated when working on a novel; and the importance of always accounting for Delbert Grady.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... Podcasts are like people: some shine and some don't.
Another classic film solved by thev best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 46... and there's no room for panic...
Panic Room (20012 tells the story of a mother and daughter who have just moved into a new home in the city. The home comes equipped with a panic room, which is lucky because during their first night in the house, some burglars break in and try to rob them.
We talk about the dangers of drinking in the bath; aiming too high with your plans for a robbery; and the difficult value judgement in calling the emergency services or calling a sleeping man with no experience of siege situations.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... It's disgusting how much I love you.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 45... and a lesson in playing impromptu gigs at Nazi clubs!
Note: We recorded this episode a few weeks ago. Since then, we've heard the tragic news of Anton Yelchin's death. Yelchin played Pat in this week's movie. It was a quality performance, which made it very clear that he was a talented actor with a big future ahead of him.
There's not much that we can add without sounding exploitative or cliche, but naturally our hearts are with his loved ones, and although it's probably impossible to watch his movies without a certain filter of tragedy, we'd encourage you to seek one out in memoriam.
Green Room (2016) tells the story of a punk band who play a gig at a neo-nazi club. After their set, they stumble across a recent murder which the nazis are keen to keep quiet... and it all goes down-hill from there.
We talk about the importance of safety around dogs; rational processes for mellowing aggressive individuals; and the relative dangers of telling the audience at your gig to 'eff off'.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... tell somebody who gives a sh*t.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 44! Have you heard the one about the woman who went deaf and got stalked by a murderer? Don't worry, neither has she!
Hush (2016) tells the story of Maddie, a deaf woman who lives alone in the woods. One evening, she is visited by a murderer who plans to use her hearing-impairment against her, and it's up to Maddie to work out how to survive.
We talk about the importance of good food preparation; the benefits of being a sovereign citizen; and the relative difficulties of managing a siege when you can't hear a break-in.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... when you've had a particularly bad bout of bacterial meningitis, no-one can hear you scream!
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 43! The only thing worse than going blind is going blind while being stalked by a murderer...
Julia's Eyes (2010) tells the story of Julia, a woman with a degenerative eye disease. After her twin sister is murdered, Julia begins a hunt for the killer, but she's in a race against time as her vision is slowly growing weaker...
We talk about appropriate footwear for recovering from eye surgery; some top tips for pretending your eyes don't work; and a gripping appraisal of bathroom lighting safety.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... When I look into your eyes, I see the universe!
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 42! There's a new toy that everybody's keen to possess... (see what I did there?)
Child's Play (1988) tells the story of Charles Lee Ray. A serial killer who, with his final breaths, uses voodoo magic to possess a child's doll. Thereafter, he goes on a murderous rampage, with his 'owner' Andy dragging along behind him.
We talk about the importance of gun safety in a highly built up area; the ecological benefits of double glazing; and just how difficult it must be to overpower a doll...
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... You're an abomination. An outrage against nature. You've perverted everything we've taught you and used it for evil, and you have to be stopped!
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 41!
Fortunately, we're not heading back to Crystal Lake! And Jason Vorhees isn't killing teenagers! Unfortunately, someone else is...
Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985) tells the story of Tommy Jarvis. Now grown up, Tommy is haunted by the ghostly apparition of Jason Vorhees, and the trauma he suffered as a youngster. Whilst staying at a convalescent home for young people with mental health issues, Tommy is thrown back into chaos as the young people around him are picked off... one by one...
We talk about the age old tradition of singing with your partner whilst taking a poo; the single worst twist in all of movie history; and two characters who will be remembered for all of time as the most reprehensibly two-dimensional tropes ever created.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... We can't wait for Jason to come back...
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 40! Of all the mythical woodland creatures on earth, what could be friendlier than the North American Sasquatch?
Willow Creek (2013) tells the story of a young couple who head into the great American wilderness to make a documentary about a bigfoot sighting. The sighting took place 40 years earlier, but that doesn't stop our heroes from trying to get up close and personal with the elusive 'Bigfoot'.
We talk about the essential practice of taking 'the essentials' on a hiking trip; the best time to propose marriage to someone; and a lively appraisal of bigfoot movies of the past.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... why don't you get yourself a slice of pie at the f*ck off café?
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 39! Whatever you do... stay in the house!
Coherence (2013) tells the story of a group of friends having a dinner party. The evening starts well enough, but soon descends into terror as a comet passing near the earth appears to have an unusual effect on the evening's proceedings.
If you've seen Coherence, you might be thinking 'I wonder if they're going to do something clever to reflect the form of the film'.
But that would've required a level of planning, and writing, and performance that our brave podmasters quite simply have no energy for.
Instead, we talk about the safety concerns of insulting a spurned lover rather than consoling them; the benefits of a landline (partciularly for accident prone mobile phone owners); and the best way to avoid disposing of a body in a blackhole without falling in yourself.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... if there are a million different realities, I have slept with your wife in every one of them
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
A Long Long Time Ago, on a Podcast Far Far Away...
It's episode 38!
Luke Skywalker has vanished.
In his absence, the sinister
FIRST ORDER has risen
from the ashes of the Empire
and will not rest until Skywalker, the last Jedi,
has been destroyed.
This week to celebrate May the 4th, we're suspending the usual How to Survive discussion in favour of discussing the latest Star Wars movie. With one notable exception, the characters all survive the movie, so we're just talking straight Star Wars.
We talk about The Skywalker Family past, present and future; The Star Wars franchise, past, present and future; and just how much money can you make from remaking the most famous movie of all time... all of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... The Force is strong with you!
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.