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How to Survive

'How to Survive' is a film review podcast with a twist. The discussion centres around one key question: 'How would you survive in this movie?' Each episode centres around one classic movie. Often, they are horror movies, but there are also lots of thrillers, action movies, adventure movies and the occasional romantic drama for good measure. If you've ever rolled your eyes when the victim goes outside alone; tutted when the killer returns from the dead; or shouted 'DON'T GO IN THERE!', this is the podcast for you. If you have ideas on How to Survive, or recommendations for films we should consider, send them over to: HowToSurviveShow@Gmail.com
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Oct 16, 2018

It's episode 164 and if you dislike workplace disputes, don't apply to work at Belko.

The Belko Experiment (2016) tells the story of Mike Milch, who works for international corporation 'Belko' in its Colombia office. One day, the doors and windows are sealed shut, and the employees are ordered to kill each other or be killed themselves. The Belko Experiment has begun...

We talk about passive resistance against in a Total War scenario; the importance of picking your fights wisely; and we enjoy a lively debate about the best piece of office equipment to use to kill your colleagues.

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: HR will have a field day with this one.

Next week, we'll be Skyping in for Unfriended (2014).

Get in touch!
HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com

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Oct 10, 2018

It's episode 163 and we're paell-ing on the gore in possibly the best found-footage film ever made!

REC (2007) follows news reporter Angela, and her cameraman Pablo, as they follow Barcelona firemen on a routine night of work. What could possibly go wrong? Oh, just hordes of the rabid undead and heinous religious abuse.

We talk Spanish history, the best splat sound in horror history and the benefits of a little bit of health & safety planning.

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: If this is a pain in the ass, just cut, okay?

Next week it's The Belko Experiment (2017), which is available on Netflix!

Get in touch!
HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com

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Oct 3, 2018

It's episode 162... and maybe the best horror sequel ever...

This week, Creep 2 (2017), in which another videographer is drawn into the path of Josef. Josef now calls himself Aaron, and this time he's hoping to collaborate with Sara. Will Sara's desire to make an interesting YouTube video cause her to become ensnared in Aaron's trap - or will she turn the tables?

We talk about sensible knife-holstering; un-sensible view finder positioning; and why a professional approach to editing and Video SEO is always encouraged.

Whatever happens, one things for sure: Sara loves her juicy fruit. And Aaron loves to kill.

Next week, we say Hola to Rec (2007)

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Sep 26, 2018

It's episode 161... and in space... no-one can hear you snore...

This week, Alien³ (1992), David Fincher's first movie, as 'We love franchises' season wraps up.

Alien³ tells the story of Ellen Ripley who, having survived the events of Aliens, now has to fight another Alien (which also somehow survived). This time the showdown is on a planet inhabited by a band of all-male space prisoners who haven't seen a woman in years, and don't have any weaponry to speak of.

We talk about the common-sense fortification; common-sense surgical hygiene; and a common-sense approach to guardpost staffing.

Whatever happens, one things for sure: In an insane world, a sane man must appear insane.

Next week, we return to our great love, Found Footage, with Creep 2 (2017).

Get in touch! 
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Sep 19, 2018

It's episode 160... and I've heated up some warm milk for you, honey.

This week we're kicking off our latest franchise: A Nightmare on Elm Street.

You may remember us covering A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) way back in episode 7 - but don't worry, we're revisiting it with fresh eyes nearly three years on - ready to kick off the latest How to Survive Franchise. Strap in for 90 weeks of excitement!

We talk about the correct handling of evidence both before and after a trial (and subsequent vigilante justice); a thoroughly researched foray into ways to achieve dreamless sleep; and why you shouldn't trust the world's dreamiest ride-share route.

Whatever happens, one things for sure: Oh god, I look 20 years old!

Next week, 'We Love Franchises Season' continues apace in space, with Alien³.

Get in touch! 
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Sep 12, 2018

It's episode 159... and I will not be threatened by a walking meat loaf!

This week, An American Werewolf in London (1981), which tells the story of David, a backpacker who is bitten by (you guessed it) a werewolf while on a trip to (you guessed it) London. David begins seeing visions which seem to indicate he'll transform into a beast at the next full-moon, but are the visions right, or is he going mad?

We talk about the efficient use of firearms; making good on apparent interdimensional conveyance; and the dangers of rubber-necking outside of the world-famous adult cinema in Central London.

Whatever happens, one things for sure: A naked American man stole my balloons.

Next week, try to stay awake as we begin our new franchise... it's A Nightmare on Elm Street...

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Sep 5, 2018

It's episode 158... and this one who's blind... She's the one that can see.

Don't look now, but this week's movie is Don't Look Now (1973) - a movie about a couple whose loss leaves them feeling lost. John and Laura seek to escape their grief in Venice - but it's easier said than done for their pair, as their grip on reality begins to unravel.

A safe and healthy dose of health and safety leads the conversation; but look out for our fashion tips for murderers; and more thematic comparisons than you can shake a seance at.

Whatever happens, one things for sure: If the world is round, why is a frozen lake flat?

Next week, John Landis' 80s classic 'An American Werewolf in London'.

Get in touch! 
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Aug 29, 2018

A slight break in the scheduled programming while we carry out some essential podcast admin. (Totalling up votes for the next horror movie-franchise; negotiating licensing on our life-rights with Hollywood studios who want to make a movie out of the podcast; watching rubbish movies. That sort of thing...)

As such, this week is a repeat of 2016's Halloween 'Trick': Wallace and Gromit and the Curse of the Were-Rabbit.

No doubt you'll listen to the end, but don't believe the hype: Next week isn't 'Collateral', it's Nicholas Roeg's 1973 classic horror, Don't Look Now.

Get in touch with your thoughts on what our next franchise should be (only three weeks left!)


HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com

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Aug 21, 2018

It's episode 157... and I'm giving you a choice: either put on these glasses or start eatin' that trash can.

This week, They Live (1988); a movie in which the wrestler Rowdy Roddy Piper puts on sunglasses that allow him to see the hidden forces which capitalist aliens use to control the world. 

We stick it to the man with some personal finance tips for intergalactic overlords; the importance of adhering to a dress code; and Chris enjoys Joe's most concise and coherent quiz yet.

Whatever happens, one things for sure: Mama don't like tattletales.

Next week, Nicholas Roeg's 1973 classic horror, Don't Look Now.

Get in touch! 
HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com

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Aug 15, 2018

It's episode 156 - and you now have the option to terminate and be cremated on the premises...

In Escape from New York (1981), New York City has been turned into a prison, with giant walls keeping prisoners locked inside. Anyone who goes in may never come out, and the city is run by criminals - which is bad news for the US President, who has become stranded in the city - and for Snake Plissken, the disgraced Special Ops soldier sent in to save him. 

We talk about sane approaches to data protection; the benefits of open sharing of information; and (of course) the correct way to structure any effective team.

Whatever happens, one things for sure: We, the soldiers of The National Liberation Front of America, in the name of the workers and all the oppressed of this imperialist country, have struck a fatal blow to the fascist police state. Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Next week, another John Carpenter classic, with They Live (1988).

Get in touch! 
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Aug 8, 2018

It's episode 155: I, Robot - Vintage, 2004.

I, Robot (2004). I, Robot is the tale of Det. Del Spooner, as he seeks to solve the riddle of how a robotics engineer died. Despite the best judgement of all the world’s lawyers, scientists and engineers, Del suspects a Robot is responsible - and when technology begins to malfunction around him, could he be proved right?

We talk about the most rudimentary travel safety measures going overlooked; how a basic knowledge of electronics could have solved a lot of aggravation; and we try to squeeze in some semblance of an artistic project among a series of awkward and irritating adverts for shoes.

Whatever happens, one things for sure: I’m gonna miss the good old days, when people were killed by other people.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Next week, John Carpenter season begins with Escape from New York (1981)!

Get in touch! 
HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com

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Aug 1, 2018

It's episode 154... last chance... download the episode, and you stay in Wonderland, and we show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.

The Matrix (1999) tells the story of a hacker named 'Neo' who is drawn in by a mysterious group who want to show him the world as it really is. Is Neo humanity's saviour, 'The One'? and will he be able to stop the deadly 'Agents'? 

We talk about the one of the most influential movies every made; the limitations of exceptionally advanced technology; and the benefits of doing as your told when there's a gun pointed at your head.

Whatever happens, one things for sure: There's a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path...

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Next week, it's the world's greatest movie premise suggestion: I, Robot (2004) 

Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com

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Jul 25, 2018

It's episode 153... and I kick arse for the Lord!

Braindead (1992) is called 'Dead Alive' in America, and this is the story:

Lionel lives at home with his controlling mother, when he begins dating local shopkeeper, Piquita. Lionel's mother follows them on a date at the zoo, where she's bitten by a Sumatran Rat Monkey. What happens next must be seen to be believed, but have your sick bags at the ready...

We talk about the most nauseating desert ever served in a movie;  give some sound zoo-curation advice; and for god's sake, keep your keepsake.

Whatever happens, one things for sure: I haven't had a good custard in years. She never makes the stuff.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Next week, it's the blockbuster to end all blockbusters: The Matrix (1999).

Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com

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Jul 18, 2018

It's episode 152...and we have found you in a box...

True crime writer Ellison Oswalt (yes really) is desperate for another hit, and so takes the rash decision to move his family into a house in which the previous family were brutally murdered. A box of snuff films, missing children and mysterious pagan deitys await the Oswalts in this fascinating, unique story that can only be described as 'a horror movie that came out in the early-to-mid-2010s'.

We tackle spirit photography, squirrel eradication and excrutiating excuses; question the financial planning of a destitute man with two mortgages; and wonder at what point a film about children being brutally murdered on camera crosses the line of 'good taste'.

Whatever happens, one things for sure: Bad things happen to good people and they still have to have their story told.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Next week it's Peter Jackson's seminal Braindead (1992)

Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com

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Jul 10, 2018

It's episode 151...and it's a g'day for an apocalypse. 

Cargo (2018) tells the story of one family's struggle to survive both the harsh conditions of the Australian outback, and a rampant contagious disease that has ravaged society. Can modern humanity outlast this apocalypse, and do they even deserve to?

We throw another Martin Freeman on the barbie, tie our kangaroos down to unnecessary anniversary gifts and do battle with our greatest foe - having to record a podcast on the hottest day of the year. 

Whatever happens, one things for sure: It had fingers Andy!

Another classic film solved by the greatest movie podcast in the world.

Next week it's Sinister (2012)!

Get in touch! Howtosurviveshow@gmail.com

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Jul 4, 2018

It's episode 150... and I've heard of spirit photography before, but I've never actually seen it in person...

The world's spookiest franchise has finally come to an end, as we dig into Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015).

The movie tells the story of the Fleege family, as they are beset by ghostly-goings-on. Naturally, the haunting is tied directly to everything that has happened in the previous movies, but this time we get to actually see what's causing the Paranormal Activity!

We discuss the highs, and lows (and lowers) of the franchise; we talk about due diligence in property purchasing; and the fine art of teaching your children about stranger danger - particularly when the stranger is an eight-foot-tall oil slick.

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Next time I'm just gonna stay at Mom's!

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Next week, Netflix's 2018 release Cargo.

Get in touch! howtosurviveshow@gmail.com

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Jun 27, 2018

It's episode 149... and if I don't make it back, remember you're the one who made me come here.

This week, we're back on Isla Nublar for Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018).

The movie tells the story of Claire and Owen as they rescue the dinosaurs of Jurassic World from a volcano, and then attempt to foil an evil corporate plot to exploit the animals.

We discuss whether a dinosaur would make a useful weapon; whether there are better ways to cover up genetic experimentation; and we think about how we'd cope against the closest thing to a dinosaur living on earth today.

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Genetic power has now been unleashed. You can't put it back in the box.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Next week, we wrap up the world's spookiest franchise with Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension.

Get in touch! howtosurviveshow@gmail.com

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Jun 20, 2018

It's episode 148... and I never wanted to be your mother.

This week: 2018's Hereditary. 

Laugh's abound in the story of Annie and her family as they grapple with bereavement, trauma, grief, and paranormal goings-on. Are they seeing ghosts, or going nuts? Are they being haunted, or have they just lost their heads?

We talk about the benefits of preparing for medical maladies; the importance of health and safety equipment in the presence of freaky events; and we realise that maybe everything won't be so bad after all.

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: We reject the Trinity and pray devoutly to you

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Next week we're on Isla Nublar for Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom.

Get in touch! howtosurviveshow@gmail.com

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Jun 13, 2018

It's episode 147... and I feel like I know this place. I recognise this text box.

This week is Triangle (2009). The story of a young woman who joins some new friends for a yacht party, only to have their voyage interrupted by a storm. The storm passes, and they board a creepy ship for rescue - but that's when things get really weird.

We give practical advice for first dates; pull out a classic tip from the movie survival handbook; and agree on the many benefits of arranging childcare for your kid.

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: We cheated Death. No, we made a promise to Death that we didn't keep.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Next week is Hereditary (2018).

Get in touch! howtosurviveshow@gmail.com

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Jun 6, 2018

It's episode 146... and It's a game. It's a process of elimination. The last man standing gets to walk out of here alive.

This week it's Circle (2015), a movie about a group of people who wake up to find themselves standing in a circle, forced to vote every two minutes to decide who should die next until only one remains.

Twists abound as we chat about a movie which throws away any goodwill it developed; we talk about who we liked and didn't like best in a group of complete strangers; and we put ourselves on trial and try to find out exactly how to survive.

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: We all know that we can’t vote for ourselves. [Sorry, that's really like the only quote in the film]

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Next week we're sailing away on Triangle (2009).

Get in touch! howtosurviveshow@gmail.com

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May 30, 2018

It's episode 145...and do you think that taxpayers would like it if they knew that they were paying a federal agent to surf and pick up girls?

This week it's Point Break (1991), and precocious 17-year-old Johnny Utah is spending the days with his family at their 17th-century villa in Lombardy, Italy. He soon meets Bodhi, a handsome doctoral student. Amid the sun-drenched splendor of their surroundings, Johnny and Bodhi discover the heady beauty of awakening desire over the course of a summer that will alter their lives forever. Wait a minute...

Back in the real world it's bank heists and beach bums galore in Bigelow's bombastic blockbuster - are we keen on Keanu? Do we express hesitance toward the Ex-Presidents? Does Swayze gaze lazily at ladies on hazy beaches daily? All this and more as Chris hangs a big fat ten on Joe's bank robbery quiz.

We drop in on the benefits of branding if you're a bank robber, ponder the health and safety implications of Bodhi's choice of mood lighting, and question the FBI's practice of sending recognisible minor celebrity and college football star Johnny Utah on an undercover mission without changing his name or place of residence.

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Fear causes hesitation, and hesitation will cause your worst fears to come true.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Next week it's the Twilight Zone-esque Circle (2015) - check it out on Netflix!

Get in touch! howtosurviveshow@gmail.com

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May 22, 2018

It's episode 144... and above 24,000, you're at the vertical limit, you're already dying. Look at you. You can hardly stand. If you think you can stop me, go ahead.

Vertical Limit (2000) tells the story of Peter and Annie, a brother and sister who find themselves atop K2 some years after they were involved in a climbing accident which killed their father. Now bad luck has befallen them again, and Annie is trapped in an avalanche near the summit, and it's up to Peter to lead a team to save her.

We discuss the worst prepared disaster recovery team in history; how the dangers of smoking increase massively around explosives and at high altitude; and above all, how this movie represents the worst survival odds in the history of disaster recovery.

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Nag, nag, nag. They always bloody nag.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Get in touch! howtosurviveshow@gmail.com

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May 15, 2018

It's episode 143... and we have your woman outlander! She still lives!

Children of the Corn (1984) tells the story of Burt and Vicky, two Outlanders, on their way to a new life on the other side of America. They pass through a series of cornfields, and soon find themselves in a town where there are no adults, only shrill children. Where are the adults? Who are the children? And who walks behind the rows?


We discuss the key tenets of being an effective lookout; the simplicity of killing or maiming your would-be attackers when they happen to be children; and we talk about an amorphous representation simulacrum of the scariest creature ever committed to cinema.

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Don't ever show up in my emergency room, buddy! 

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Get in touch! howtosurviveshow@gmail.com

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May 8, 2018

It's episode 142... and I thought I'd gone to the limits. I hadn't. The Cenobites gave me an experience beyond limits. Pain and pleasure, indivisible.

Hellraiser (1987) tells the story of Frank, a sexual deviant who decides to push the boundaries of human experience by opening up a portal to another world. Consequently, he loses his human body, and has to get it back in the most convoluted way imaginable, with the assistance of his husband's wife (his own former lover).

We discuss an occam's razor approach to body-harvesting; the benefits of your enemy not knowing the difference between pleasure and pain; and we offer sex tips that will drive your man wild...

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: The blood brought me back this far. I need more. You have to heal me.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Get in touch! howtosurviveshow@gmail.com

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May 1, 2018

It's episode 140... and who are we if we can't protect them? we have to protect them.

A Quiet Place (2018) tells the story of the Abbott family. Rare survivors of a deadly attack from creatures which hunt based on sound alone. The slightest sound could be enough to get your torn limb from limb, so what better way to discuss it than in a purely audio-based format.

We discuss the mealy-mouthed advice given by film-survival amateurs on the internet; the mealy-mouthed advice given by us, the experts; and the risks of going all-in on a choice when there are plenty of other options to explore.

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I love you. I've always loved you.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Get in touch! howtosurviveshow@gmail.com

Follow us on Twitter! @HowtoSurvivePod

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