As a special bonus: a movie which wasn't worth a full episode.
Did Glass (2018) live up to the hype?
We talk about disappointments; missed opportunities; and a masterclass in turning interesting ideas into unadulterated boredom.
All of which leads to one question:
How would you survive?
Get in touch with your thoughts: Howtosurviveshow@gmail.com
And we'll see you on Wednesday for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000).
It's episode 171 and this is for all you new people: I have only one rule. Everybody fights, no one quits. If you don't do your job, I'll kill you myself! Welcome to the Roughnecks!
Starship Troopers (1997) is the story of Johnny Rico and his friends, who graduate from high school and immediately join earth's galactic military in order to wage war on a foreign planet inhabited by gigantic insects.
We talk about securing the right tools for the job; remind ourselves of the basics of gun safety; and reflect on the dangers of a battlefield romance.
All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I need a corporal. You're it, until you're dead or I find someone better.
Next week, a delightful double with Suspiria (1977) and Suspiria (2018).
Get in touch!
HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com
Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod
It's episode 163 and we're paell-ing on the gore in possibly the best found-footage film ever made!
REC (2007) follows news reporter Angela, and her cameraman Pablo, as they follow Barcelona firemen on a routine night of work. What could possibly go wrong? Oh, just hordes of the rabid undead and heinous religious abuse.
We talk Spanish history, the best splat sound in horror history and the benefits of a little bit of health & safety planning.
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: If this is a pain in the ass, just cut, okay?
Next week it's The Belko Experiment (2017), which is available on Netflix!
Get in touch!
HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com
Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod
A slight break in the scheduled programming while we carry out some essential podcast admin. (Totalling up votes for the next horror movie-franchise; negotiating licensing on our life-rights with Hollywood studios who want to make a movie out of the podcast; watching rubbish movies. That sort of thing...)
As such, this week is a repeat of 2016's Halloween 'Trick': Wallace and Gromit and the Curse of the Were-Rabbit.
No doubt you'll listen to the end, but don't believe the hype: Next week isn't 'Collateral', it's Nicholas Roeg's 1973 classic horror, Don't Look Now.
Get in touch with your thoughts on what our next franchise should be (only three weeks left!)
HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com
Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod
It's episode 155: I, Robot - Vintage, 2004.
I, Robot (2004). I, Robot is the tale of Det. Del Spooner, as he seeks to solve the riddle of how a robotics engineer died. Despite the best judgement of all the world’s lawyers, scientists and engineers, Del suspects a Robot is responsible - and when technology begins to malfunction around him, could he be proved right?
We talk about the most rudimentary travel safety measures going overlooked; how a basic knowledge of electronics could have solved a lot of aggravation; and we try to squeeze in some semblance of an artistic project among a series of awkward and irritating adverts for shoes.
Whatever happens, one things for sure: I’m gonna miss the good old days, when people were killed by other people.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
Next week, John Carpenter season begins with Escape from New York (1981)!
Get in touch!
HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com
Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod
It's episode 153... and I kick arse for the Lord!
Braindead (1992) is called 'Dead Alive' in America, and this is the story:
Lionel lives at home with his controlling mother, when he begins dating local shopkeeper, Piquita. Lionel's mother follows them on a date at the zoo, where she's bitten by a Sumatran Rat Monkey. What happens next must be seen to be believed, but have your sick bags at the ready...
We talk about the most nauseating desert ever served in a movie; give some sound zoo-curation advice; and for god's sake, keep your keepsake.
Whatever happens, one things for sure: I haven't had a good custard in years. She never makes the stuff.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
Next week, it's the blockbuster to end all blockbusters: The Matrix (1999).
Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com
Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod
It's episode 150... and I've heard of spirit photography before, but I've never actually seen it in person...
The world's spookiest franchise has finally come to an end, as we dig into Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015).
The movie tells the story of the Fleege family, as they are beset by ghostly-goings-on. Naturally, the haunting is tied directly to everything that has happened in the previous movies, but this time we get to actually see what's causing the Paranormal Activity!
We discuss the highs, and lows (and lowers) of the franchise; we talk about due diligence in property purchasing; and the fine art of teaching your children about stranger danger - particularly when the stranger is an eight-foot-tall oil slick.
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Next time I'm just gonna stay at Mom's!
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
Next week, Netflix's 2018 release Cargo.
Get in touch! howtosurviveshow@gmail.com
Follow us on Twitter! @HowtoSurvivePod
It's an episode which falls between episodes 139 and 140...
Perhaps you're hungry for Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones... well if you're that hungry, you can go eat your sh*t...
The Babadook (2014) tells the story of Amelia, a woman raising her son alone after her husband is killed. Coping with grief, isolation and an unruly child takes its toll on Amelia, and her life begins to be invaded by the sinister leading character from a particularly unpleasant pop-up book.
We discuss the benefits of using the emergency services during an emergency; the iconic words 'woof for help'; and the dangers of staying up late watching horror movies. Oh the irony...
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: If it's in a word or it's in a look, you can't get rid of the How to Survive Podcast.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
Get in touch! howtosurviveshow@gmail.com
Follow us on Twitter! @HowtoSurvivePod
It's episode 138...and you messed with the wrong podcast.
Tomb Raider (2018) tells the story of Lara Croft. Ten years after the mysterious disappearance of her father, Lara finds out where he might have ended up - and sets off on a mission to find him. Along the way she gets caught up in a conspiracy she couldn't have imagined - and will have to fight to survive.
We discuss the importance of relaying clear safety plans; shooting first and never asking questions; and never visiting spooky islands under any circumstances.
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Daddy loves you.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
Get in touch! howtosurviveshow@gmail.com
Follow us on Twitter! @HowtoSurvivePod
It's episode 134... and this is how we fix problem in the Russian space station!
Armageddon (1998) tells the story of Harry Stamper and his crew of high-testosterone, middle-American, low-rate oil rig workers. After a meteor the size of Texas is detected, headed towards earth, the crew are trained as astronauts and sent into space so they can drill into the asteroid and blow it up with nuclear bombs.
No, really.
We talk about the mismatch in on-the-job training given to oil rig workers in comparison to astronauts; the questionable decision to give the highest level of clearance to a civilian with two horses in the race; and the benefits of falling in love with your boss's daughter.
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I am not crazy! I'm just a little emotional right now, ok? Ya'll throwing all this stuff at me, man! Look, I mean, after this is over, can I like get a hug from you or something?
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
Get in touch! howtosurviveshow@gmail.com
Follow us on Twitter! @HowtoSurvivePod
Slight delay on today's podcast but rest assured that our episode on The Last Jedi will be out on Thursday the 21st of December, plus there's a whole lot more coming your way over Christmas. Cheers!
It's episode 121...and they tell me you're a man with true grit.
True Grit (2010) tells the story of Mattie Ross, a precocious 14-year old farm girl who sets out to avenge her father's death with the help of cantankerous drunkard Rooster Cogburn and cantankerous teetotaler LaBoeuf. Together the trio trek across the Old West in search of justice, cornbread and - above all else - a coward by the name of Tom Chaney.
We consider the Coens, debate the Deakins, field the question of field amputations and ask ourselves if it's better to be a coward than a cowboy, all while discussing Joe's favourite film of all time.
All of which leads to one question...how would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: You must pay for everything in this world, one way or another.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
Get in touch! howtosurviveshow@gmail.com
Follow us on Twitter! @HowtoSurvivePod
It's episode 120...and this isn't Casper the fucking friendly ghost you're chasing!
Paranormal Activity 3 (2011) takes us back to the 1980s to find out the fascinating backstory of Katie, Kristi and Toby the pesky poltergeist, all shot in crisp late-noughties HD footage! When the furniture starts flying, there's only one solution...film it all for posterity!
We tackle the usual plot twists and contrivances, ask ourselves if a Witches' Coven is too covenient, and wax lyrical about the creative use of rotating fans.
All of which leads to one question...How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: if you saw me talking to somebody, it would be Toby.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
Get in touch! howtosurviveshow@gmail.com
Follow us on Twitter! @HowtoSurvivePod
It's episode 119...and I knew before you told me that you've got an American flag in your home. You've probably got more than one.
Brawl in Cell Block 99 (2017) tells the story of Bradley, a drug runner caught in the crossfire between his job, his morals and his family. Sent to prison, needless to say things go badly for baldy Bradley.
We talk about how far it's worth pushing your moral code, phoning friends and the importance of neck exercises when facing up against Vince Vaughn's hulking physique.
All of which leads to one question...
How would you survive?
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world!
It's episode 118... and if you send one of ours to the hospital, we'll send one of yours to the morgue...
The Untouchables (1987) tells the story of the task force charged with bringing down Chicago crime boss, Al Capone. Elliot Ness and his men have to fight fire with fire, and bring down the kingpin who has left every member of the city living in continual fear of violence.
We talk about the merits of decriminalising banned substances; the safety concerns associated with standard-issue police weapons; and the benefits of doing things quite literally by the book..
All of which leads to one question...
How would you survive?
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world
It's episode 105... and do you want to play a game of hide and clap?
The Conjuring (2013) tells the story of Ed and Lorraine Warren, paranormal investigators who are called upon to help the Perron Family. The Perrons have just moved into a new home, and all signs (from dead animals to suspicious bruising) seem to point to a haunting!
We discuss the importance of calling upon law enforcement in times of need; the risks of keeping dangerous objects in a house with a child; and the importance of thorough research when planning to buy a home.
All of which leads to one question...
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...
Diabolical forces are formidable. These forces are eternal, and they exist today. The fairy tale is true. The devil exists. God exists. And for us, as people, our very destiny hinges upon which one we elect to follow.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world