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How to Survive

'How to Survive' is a film review podcast with a twist. The discussion centres around one key question: 'How would you survive in this movie?' Each episode centres around one classic movie. Often, they are horror movies, but there are also lots of thrillers, action movies, adventure movies and the occasional romantic drama for good measure. If you've ever rolled your eyes when the victim goes outside alone; tutted when the killer returns from the dead; or shouted 'DON'T GO IN THERE!', this is the podcast for you. If you have ideas on How to Survive, or recommendations for films we should consider, send them over to: HowToSurviveShow@Gmail.com
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Now displaying: Page 1
May 17, 2024

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.

It’s episode 287…and you mean more to me than any scientific truth.

Solaris (1973) sees psychologist Kriss Kelvin dispatched to a space station orbiting the titular planet to see if the skeleton crew’s reports of strange goings on and mysterious 4 metre tall babies are to be believed, or whether it’s a simple case of space madness. While there, he is disturbed by the presence of unexpected ‘guests’ on the station, not least the appearance of his wife Hari, who died a decade earlier.

We talk about a Soviet science fiction classic, discuss what it means to be human, whether Solaris is just a planet-sized printer, draw up a cost/benefit analysis of firing antique oak bookshelves into space and finally find out the question on everyone’s lips - can you eat a burger made out of neutrinos? Plus, a heartwarming story about Joe’s young son being obsessed with going to the moon.

All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Whenever we show pity, we empty our souls.

Next time on the main feed it’s more Space Madness with Aniara (2018), while over on the Patreon it’s the turn of Twilight (2008), our monthly bonus film.

May 8, 2024

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.

It’s episode 286…and I will make the land desolate so that your enemies who settle it shall be appalled by it.

Mad God (2021) is the singular vision of Phil Tippett, the stop motion genius behind Star Wars’ AT-ATs and RoboCop’s ED-209. Over the course of 30 years he slowly created what some believe to be his opus–Mad God–a nightmarish film with very little clear story, but an awful lot of grotesque imagery.

We talk about a film that is both an impressive technical exercise and a hollow procession of misery, the nauseating levels of skill required to produce it, whether we’d be sad if Gromit died and whether the individual behind dozens of screens showing a babbling baby’s face should give more thought to workplace safety.

All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Your land shall become a desolation and your cities a ruin.

Next month, we’re watching a couple of ‘Space Madness’ films - Solaris (1972) and Aniara (2018).

Apr 17, 2024

It’s episode 285! And I’d rather kill myself than work here.

Stopmotion (2024) tells the story of Ella, a Stopmotion Artist, who is pouring her heart and soul into creating something truly outstanding. Stepping out from her Stopmotion Artist mother’s shadow, Ella is tempted by opportunities to be a Stopmotion Artist at an advertising agency, urged to slow her down her Stopmotion Artist lifestyle - but it may just be too little too late.

We talk about the productivity-gains that come from slowing down; the commercial impact of using rotten meat girls to advertise your products; and thoughts of Nick Park sharing a hovel with Wallace and Gromit.

All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?

Next time on Patreon.com/howtosurvivepod, it’s The Green Knight!

Apr 3, 2024

It's Episode 284 and congratulations to Emma Jones in Monkeys Running the Zoo III.

Candyman (1992) tells the story of Helen, a grad-student investigating urban legends - or more specifically one urban legend about 'Candyman' - a hook-handed slasher who appears if you say his name five times in a mirror - and promptly disembowels you. Not much of an incentive to summon him overall, but what a premise!

We talk about correct police procedures; optimal concussion care; and rubbish foreplay - all before alighting on one major question: how would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: We're going to Disneyland!

Find more episodes at patreon.com/howtosurvivepod. 

See you next month!

Mar 20, 2024
It's Episode 283 and congratulations to Repeat Repeat in Monkeys Running the Zoo III.
 
When Evil Lurks (2023) tells the story of brothers Pedro and Jaime. When a neighbour in their rural town comes down with a case of Demonic Possession, they begin a series of increasingly desperate (and ill-advised) methods to contain the monster before it can wreak havoc.
 
We talk about inadequate public health messaging; the wonders of modern technology; and the benefits of keeping a low profile.
 
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Evil loves children. And children love evil.
 
Next up: Deadstream (2022) over at Patreon.com/howtosurvivepod
Feb 21, 2024
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.
 
It's episode 282...and a shower and a change of clothes wouldn't hurt.
 
Shin Godzilla (2016) serves as a rebooting of the classic Japan-set Godzilla movies in the modern day. When a gigantic monster emerges from the sea, the slow-moving cogs of Japan's bureaucratic machinery begin to turn, but in the face of a walking natural disaster and threats of international military action, can a crack team of weirdos band together to save the day?
 
We discuss a kaiju movie through as seen through the eyes of incompetent politicians, monsters of scale with atomic scales, put forward two opposing views on the fun and frustrations of seeing political machinations rather than a big dinosaur and discuss turning the world's biggest frozen lizard into a tourist attraction.
 
All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?
 
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: There is no precedent.
 
Next time, if you're a Patreon, it's February's bonus pick with Dog Soldiers (2002), otherwise we'll be back in a few weeks' time for Godzilla Minus One (2023).
Jan 31, 2024
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.
 
It's episode 281...and I'M GONNA BE A STAR AND THE WHOLE WORLD'S GONNA KNOW MY NAME!
 
Pearl (2022) tells the story of Pearl - a young woman who is unhappily stuck on the family farm while her husband is away at war. Pearl dreams of life as a dancer in the pictures, but must overcome a forebearing mother, ailing father, societal barriers and her own unsettled outlook.
We talk about the best way to escape a lumbering axe-wielder, weigh up the risks of germ-loads; and wonder when it's time to just leave.
 
All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?
 
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: What did I do? What is wrong with me? Please just tell me so I can get better.
Jan 15, 2024
It's Boxing Day (ish), and that can only mean one thing...These broads would hump the Leaning Tower of Pisa if they could get up there!
 
Black Christmas (1974) tells the story of a sorority house beset by threatening phone calls in the days before Christmas break. When one of their number go missing, it's a race against time to find her, and the person responsible, but perhaps they should be looking closer to home?
 
We talk about a film that serves as the origin of the slasher genre and the on-screen debut of a classic horror trope, a set of brilliantly written characters and surprisingly thoughtful politics, critique the performance of incompetent police and share stories of sharing drinking vessels.
 
All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?
 
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I wouldn't wear this to have my liver out!
 
This film was chosen by two of our lovely patrons - Steve Thone and Clyde Griffiths. If you want to help us decide the films we cover, head to Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod and sign up to unlock bonus episodes, early access and more!
 
Our next episode, on Pearl, will be out very soon, as we continue to play catch up.
 
Dec 24, 2023
A quick note - our Boxing Day podcast on Black Christmas, and our episode Pearl, will unfortunately be a bit delayed due to illness. Sorry about that.
 
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.
 
It's Christmas Eve, and that can only mean one thing...I thought everything was fine until I saw you last night. Then I knew there must be something between us, even if it's only an ocean.
 
An Affair To Remember (1957) tells the story of a classic swooning romance between Nickie and Terry, star-crossed lovers who fall in love on a cruise ship and agree to meet at the Empire State Building in 6 months time to be together. But, as we all know, the path to true love is not always straightforward, and one should always look both ways before crossing it.
 
We break down a romantic drama classic, discuss the exercise regimes of 1950s men, talk about gangplanks, jaywalking and creepy kids, and advise against spiking the camera if you hope to have a long career in film.
 
All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?
 
This film was chosen by one of our lovely patrons - Rosie PK. If you want to help us decide the films we cover, head to Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod and sign up to unlock bonus episodes, early access and more!
 
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Anything can happen, don't you think?
 
Dec 20, 2023

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.

It's episode 280...and whoever we contacted, they followed us.

Talk To Me (2023) follows Mia, a teenager struggling to move on following the overdose-related death of her mother. When her school friends discover how to summon spirits using a mysterious embalmed hand, Mia becomes obsessed with contacting the dead, and even allowing them to take possession of her. What could go wrong?

Let us in and hear us talk about the apparent fully-formed arrival of another modern horror classic, discuss a complex navigation of grief and trauma through the medium of head-smashing and eyeball-plucking, ponder whether all drugs definitely contain rat poison, and scrutinise the security policy of Australian hospitals.

All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I have this recurring where I'm looking in the mirror and my reflection is gone. Like I don't exist.

Next time…it’s Chriiiiiiistmaaaaassss…

Dec 6, 2023
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.
 
It's episode 279...and do you believe there is a part of yourself, deep inside in your mind, with things you don't want other people to see?
 
The Cell (2000) follows the FBI as they pursue nefarious serial killer Carl Rudolph Stargher, who imprisons his victims in glass prisons that will gradually fill with water. When Stargher's capture leaves him comatose, special agent Peter Novak turns to a team of scientists using experimental technology to enter the minds of their subjects. Can child psychologist Catherine Deane invade Stargher's mind and successfully uncover the location of his final victim? Or will she herself become a victim of Stargher's nightmarish mindscape?
 
We talk about a surprising and underrated gem, break down the interesting career of Tarsem Singh and his artistic points of reference, ask whether Christopher Nolan may have seen the film when drafting early versions of Inception and wonder if the FBI should or shouldn't make use of the experimental brain-diving technology they've discovered.
 
All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?
 
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Mocky-Lock is a pain in the ass.
 
Next time we're catching up with one of the most talked about horror films of 2023 - Talk to Me.
Nov 29, 2023

What could it mean?

Nov 21, 2023
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.
 
It's episode 278...and she locked away a secret, deep inside herself, something she once knew to be true... but chose to forget.
 
Inception (2010) tells the story of Cobb and his band of extractors--thieves who use dream-sharing technology to break into the subconscious minds of their targets and steal information. Cobb has a dark history and lives in exile from his family, but when a mysterious client offers him the chance to rebuild his life, the opportunity is too good to turn down. In order to succeed, Cobb and his team must successfully implant an organic idea within their subject's mind. This process, thought by some to be impossible, is known as Inception.
 
We break down one of the best and most-theorised-about science fiction blockbusters of all time; ponder spinning corridors, impossible staircases and dreams within dreams; ask ourselves if Christopher Nolan could probably do with reigning it in a bit; and question whether a simpler option might be to just move your kids to Paris.
 
All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?
 
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.
 
Next time we're diving into more mindscapes with the Jennifer Lopez horror vehicle The Cell (2000).
Nov 1, 2023

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Visit Patreon.com/howtosurvivepod!

It's episode 277...and I like you...

This week's film was chosen by our patron Sam Goff as part of Monkey's Running the Zoo Season II.

V/H/S (1995) is an anthology found footage movie, depicting a parade of detestable characters doing detestable things. Across the series of short films we see: a group of daters get more than they bargained for; a honeymooning couple get more than they bargained for; some teenagers at a lake get more than they bargained for; a long-distance couple get more than they bargained for; and a group attending a halloween party get more than they bargained for.

We discuss the benefits of not being a creep; the highs and lows of a packed creative experiment; and try to decide whether the film is morally bankrupt or making a political statement (but then again, why not both?).

All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: It's a whole lot better to say just a little bit than to say too much and wish you hadn't. You know what I'm saying? Now, don't you be a stranger. I got lots more to say to you.

See you on Halloween...

Oct 31, 2023

Happy Halloween!

Oct 18, 2023
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.
 
It's episode 277...and John Doe has the upper hand!
 
This week's film was chosen by our patron Daniel Busby as part of Monkey's Running the Zoo Season II.
 
Se7en (1995) follows Detectives Mills and Somerset as they hunt down a serial killer committing murders themed around the seven deadly sins. As rain pounds the streets of the worst city in the history of cinema, the Detectives race against time to stop the killer before he completes his nefarious, murderous masterpiece.
 
We discuss a film that's had a dramatic influence on the horror genre (despite not necessarily being a horror itself), a trio of showstopping performances and one of the most iconic endings of all time, but still find time to critique the attire of a SWAT team, ask whether you should really indulge the whims of a serial killer and wonder why Mills didn't just take the day off to play FIFA.
 
All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?
 
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: This guy's methodical, exacting, and worst of all, patient.
 
Next time on the main feed in two week's time it's V/H/S (2012), or sign up to our Patreon to hear this month's bonus film: Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990).
Oct 4, 2023

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.

It's episode 276...and What mess did you get yourself in?

Titane (2021) tells the story of Alexia, a young woman who REALLY loves cars. To say much more would be to spoil a film which has to be seen to be believed, but if you want tense, violent and chaotic drama you've come to the right place.

We question the wisdom of going to the police when you're on the run from the police; confirm the value of asking for help; and dispense some much-needed strength and conditioning advice to someone who is 100x fitter than both of us combined.

All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Whatever your twisted reasons for exploiting his fucking folly, I don't care, just take care of him.

Next time... TBD. It's Monkeys Running the Zoo II - so get over to Patreon.com/howtosurvivepod to join in the fun!

Sep 19, 2023

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.

It's episode 275...and It's really disgusting that you could just sit there, and watch it happen. Like a robot. What's wrong with you?

Infinity Pool (2023) sees us join the disaffected writer James Foster on a trip to the paradise island of Li Tolqa. When a drunken misadventure ends in disaster, James discovers the Li Tolqan legal system has a curious loophole – rich tourists can escape capital punishment by paying for a clone to take their place, so long as they watch the execution of their double take place. How will this experience change James, and can he escape the magnetic pull of the mysterious Gabi, a fellow guest at the resort with first-hand experience of Li Tolqan justice.

We break down Brandon Cronenberg’s sci-fi horror gem, pay homage to incredible performances from Mia Goth and Alexander Skarsgård, ponder the ethics and meaning of Li Tolqan cloning, dish out some sage wisdom on avoiding white sand brain death and discuss whether getting a clone would help Joe play more PlayStation.

All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: You wake up in that little room, and for all you know, they could've just swapped you out. Hard to say what happened while you were asleep.

Next time out it’s another Patreon pick – Rosie PK has chosen Julia Ducournau’s Titane (2021)

 

Aug 30, 2023
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.
 
It's episode 274...and what touched this place cannot be quantified or understood by human science.
 
Color out of Space (2019) tells the story of the Gardener family, who have recently left the city to start farming alpacas. As they begin to embrace country life, a meteor lands on their property, bringing with it unseen and unimaginable horrors.
 
Cosmic Horror season wraps up with the movie that's widely considered to be the best H.P. Lovecraft adaptation. We talk about the benefits of embracing firearms; some straightforward PPE advice; and the failures of a public health official to do even a rudimentary job.
 
All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?
 
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: It came from the stars... where things ain't like they are here.
 
Jump on Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to suggest what we should cover next! 
Aug 16, 2023

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.

It's episode 273...and I'm not insane, you hear me! I'M NOT INSANE!

In The Mouth Of Madness (1994) tells the story of John Trent, sent to investigate the disappearance of horror novelist Sutter Cane, and recover the manuscript for his latest novel. As an epidemic of violent behaviour spreads across the land, Trent tracks Cane to Hobb’s End, a town previously thought to exist only in Cane’s novels. There, Trent will discover unimaginable horrors that have the potential to rewrite reality in terrible ways.

Cosmic Horror season kicks off with a Carpenter love letter to HP Lovecraft. Expect tension and tentacles, madness and monsters, plus an extended discussion of whether or not it’s ok to only give an axe murderer a bucket to use as a toilet.

All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Every species can sense its own extinction.

Next time, Cosmic Horror season continues with The Color Out Of Space (2019).

Aug 2, 2023
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.
 
It's episode 272...and I don't like this kind of talk; the things you're saying.
 
Where exactly do you start with Inland Empire (2006)?
 
Ostensibly the story of Nikki, an actor cast in a remake of a supposedly cursed film in which the actors were murdered, what follows is a three hour psychological horror tone poem in which fiction and reality repeatedly collide, break down and are rebuilt. Lynch runs the gamut of everything from surreal rabbit sitcoms to surreal Polish neo-realism, with Laura Dern clinging on for dear life at the centre of his artistic hurricane. It might just be a work of genius.
 
July's David Lynch season concludes with a borderline incomprehensible piece of arthouse cinema as we ask ourselves a series of unanswerable questions: What does it all mean? Is this the ugliest-looking film we've ever watched? How do you survive a painting? Plus, crowbarred comparisons to safer ground as we variously compare it to Mission Impossible and Stewart Lee, and a piece of genuinely scholarly film studies work from one of our patrons.
 
All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?
 
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: This is a story that happened yesterday. But I know it's tomorrow.
 
Next time out it's Cosmic Horror season, kicking off with John Carpenter's In The Mouth Of Madness (1994).
Jul 19, 2023
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.
 
It's episode 271...and I want ya to "think" and stop bein' a smart aleck. Can ya try that for me?
 
Mulholland Drive (2001) tells the story of Betty, an aspiring actress new to the Hollywood scene who tries to help amnesiac Rita rediscover her identity following a mysterious car crash. Someone appears to be chasing Rita, and mobsters and movie directors might be involved too--what's really going on? Layers of reality unravel in classic Lynch-ian fashion as identities and dreams are deconstructed with tragic results.
 
The first episode of July's David Lynch season gives us the chance to talk about a genuine cinematic masterpiece, the joy of David Lynch's work on-screen and his real life persona, cows by the side of the road, DVD insert red herrings and, of course, dreams of snail penises.
 
All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?
 
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I'd rather be known as a great actress than a movie star. But, you know, sometimes people end up being both.
 
Next week it's bonus pod time, with this month's Patreon pick: Fresh (2022).
Jul 5, 2023
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.
 
It's episode 270...and If she were any quieter, she'd be dead!
 
Sleepaway Camp (1983) follows the teenage Angela on her first trip away to Camp Arawak, several years after losing her father and brother in a terrible speedboat accident. Soon after their arrival, strange and fatal events being to befall the workers and guests of Camp Arawak. Are these mere accidents, or is Angela hiding a sinister secret?
 
We talk about one of the most surprising--and as it turns out, interesting--endings in the history of horror movies, the complex gender politics of what appears to be a by-the-numbers slasher, and spend a surprising amount of time discussing The Sopranos, Napoleon and Bartleby, the Scrivener.
 
All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?
 
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: it certainly will be a nice little surprise when Richard comes home to find a little girl in the house.
Jun 21, 2023
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.
 
It's episode 269...and Allow me to tell you a little bit about my wormhole. I was born in a sandwich hat, and I wolf many cabbages.
 
M3gan (2022) tells the story of Gemma, a roboticist at a toy manufacturing company. Gemma becomes guardian to her niece, Cady, following the deaths of Cady's parents. Early in the guardianship she introduces Cady to M3gan, an experimental android toy that could be any child's best friend - but let's be honest, it's probably not going to end well.
 
We discuss ethics in AI; Asimovian ideals; legal precedents for toy manufacturers getting it wrong; and Chris wonders how his foot would fare against several inches of titanium.
 
All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?
 
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: That's what spontaneous response is. It's a curated word salad plucked from a sea of data to sound deliberate.
 
Next time on the How to Survive podcast, it's Sleepaway Camp (1983) - or head to Patreon.com/howtosurvivepod for next week's bonus: Saloum (2021).
Jun 7, 2023
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.
 
It's episode 268...and Life is fleeting. Life is short, too short. So you gotta use every moment.
 
Fall (2022) tells the story of Becky, a climbing hobbyist who has descended into a deep depression following the death of her partner one year earlier--no prizes for guessing what happened to him. Becky's friend Hunter knows there's only one thing that can break Becky out of her funk, and that's coercing her into climbing a rickety 2000ft radio tower in the middle of the desert with no support and without telling anyone their plans. What could possibly go wrong?
 
We discuss an absolutely textbook 'My First Horror' film, a classic tale of bad friends behaving badly, an update on the recent misadventures of YouTubers, and the dignity of stuffing a shoe into your friends abdomen in the name of survival. Plus, an update on our Vertical Limit episode--would Joe still free climb a crane for £1million?
 
All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?
 
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Don't you wanna punch fear in the dick?
 
Next month on the How to Survive podcast, it's 'Monkeys Running The Zoo' season, in which our lovely patrons choose the films we cover. Keep your eyes peeled!
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