It's episode 175, and you're just a freak in a cheap suit.
The Dark Knight (2008) tells the story of Bruce Wayne, aka Batman, aka The Dark Knight, aka The Caped Crusader as he teams up with Gotham's new District Attorney, Harvey Dent, to take on The Joker. Will they stop him before his diabolical plan is realised?
We talk about human resourcing in major city police departments; the dangers of over-reliance on technology; and the strangest dinner party exchange in any movie ever (which wasn't in this one).
All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.
Next week, keep an eye out for Bird Box (2018).
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It's episode 174, and am I not supposed to have what I want, what I need? What am I supposed to do?.
Spider-Man 2 (2004) tells the story of Peter Parker as he adjusts to life as a young adult. Pete is stretched thin, burning the candle at both ends to keep up with the demands of studying, delivering pizzas, and being Spider-Man. Something has to give - and something needs to be done about the dreaded Dr. Octopus - New York's newest supervillain.
We talk about the best setting for nuclear experimentation; the risks of throwing cars first and asking questions later; and we ask: who would make a better life partner - a rich, handsome astronaut who is the son of a newspaper mogul, or an unemployed, broke student who appears to have no interest in you?
All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Now you know the truth about Peter, Avenge me... AVENGE ME!
Let's put a smile on that face... next week it's The Dark Knight (2008).
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Christmas may be over, but festive fever is still high at the How to Survive podcast. All together now: Download podcast, sesame.
We're back once again, tackling our favourite movie series ever - one which is fast becoming a true horror franchise. It's Home Alone 4: Taking Back the House (2002).
We talk about all the very slight problems of the film: Casting, costuming, scripting, cinematography, editing, pacing and much much more. And of course, the many positives of the movie too (you'll just have to listen to the show to hear about those).
After all that, for one final time this year, we ask: How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: The trouble with sports cars, there's no room for anybody else maybe one other person max. But if you want to take a real road trip luggage and all you don’t even have room for a friend I mean there cool and fast and all but who wants to be in a nice car when you're alone all.
See you next week for Spider-Man 2 (2004).
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It's the most wonderful time of the year, and that can only mean one thing - a bonus episode of How to Survive about a woefully inappropriate family-friendly Christmas film!
This year we're donning our red and white hats and letting Rudolph guide our way through The Santa Clause, the 1994 classic family Christmas romp with an immensely sinister undertone of magical indentured servitude which robs hapless individuals of their lives in exchange for years of thankless service followed by total dematerialisation.
There'll be podcasts for hosting and films to be roasting from Christmasses long, long ago and, of course, an exhaustive discussion of the ways in which The Santa Clause actually has an awful lot in common with Schindler's List.
All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! And when I wake up, I'm gettin' a CAT scan!
Look out for a special podcast on Boxing Day in which we watch the worst film ever made so you don't have to: Home Alone 4: Taking Back The House.
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It's episode 173, and you could be brilliant, but you're a coward.
Black Swan tells the story of amitious but anxious prima ballerina Nina, who is preparing for the dual starring roles in a revolutionary production of Swan Lake. But as the stress of her impending performance takes its toll, Nina's psychological demons come to the fore.
We talk about the subjective vs. the objective, unpack the best depictions of mental health crises in cinema, cringe over the most overbearing of overbearing mothers, and Joe dishes out some well-researched advice to anyone looking to loosen up a bit.
All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: This role's destroying you.
Next week, ITTT'SSS CHRRRRIISSSSTTTTMAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSS
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It's episode 172b, and we need guilt, Doctor. And shame. But not yours.
As with the original, Suspiria (2018) tells the story of Susie Bannion, a young woman who joins a German dance school. Are the teachers of the school witches? Yes. Will the movie become increasingly and unrelentingly bizarre? You betcha.
We talk about Tilda Swinton in the roles of a lifetime; the importance of understanding cause and effect; and the importance of timing your accusations of witchcraft.
All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: This isn't vanity! This is art!
Next week, dance season draws to a close with Darren Aronofsky's 2010 classic Black Swan.
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It's episode 172a, and we must get rid of that bitch of an American girl. Vanish! She must vanish! Make her disappear! Understand? Vanish, she must vanish!
Suspiria (1977) is the story of Suzy Bannion, a new student at the prestigious Tanz Dance Academy, Munich who begins to suspect that something is amiss following the brutal murders of several students, all of whom suspected the teachers were witches. But are they really witches? Yes. They are witches.
We talk about Giallo, Argento, looking before you leap and weigh up the pros and cons of appropriate footwear for sneaking about when you're in a universe that is all about style.
All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: He's felt very handsome ever since he got those false teeth.
Look out for How to Survive: Suspiria (2018), out later today!
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It's episode 171 and this is for all you new people: I have only one rule. Everybody fights, no one quits. If you don't do your job, I'll kill you myself! Welcome to the Roughnecks!
Starship Troopers (1997) is the story of Johnny Rico and his friends, who graduate from high school and immediately join earth's galactic military in order to wage war on a foreign planet inhabited by gigantic insects.
We talk about securing the right tools for the job; remind ourselves of the basics of gun safety; and reflect on the dangers of a battlefield romance.
All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I need a corporal. You're it, until you're dead or I find someone better.
Next week, a delightful double with Suspiria (1977) and Suspiria (2018).
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It's episode 170 and my dad thinks I'm on drugs. My mom thinks I'm crazy. And, you know, at this point, I don't know if I don't disagree with her.
A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985) tells the story of Jesse, a young man who moves into the home previously occupied by the victim of A Nightmare on Elm Street. He is haunted by Freddy Krueger in his dreams - and compelled to murder on his behalf. Will he be able to overcome Freddy's manipulation?
We talk about bad parenting, bad policing and (very) bad feng shui.
All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: If I start to act weird, or start dreaming weird, or try to walk out of here, you gotta stop me. I don't care if you have to hit me over the head, just don't let me leave. And... don't fall asleep.
Next week, it's listener's choice: Starship Troopers (1997).
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It's episode 169 and the promise of the Divine is but an illusion. Nothing in this world is pure... except for the How to Survive podcast.
Apostle (2018) tells the story of Thomas. Called upon to rescue his sister from a religious cult on a Welsh island, Thomas gets more than he bargained for when the cult's rituals appear to hide a terrifying secret.
We talk about thorough investigative measures; terrible contraception advice; the importance of stealth in an assassination.
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I fear our Lord no longer hears my podcast. Yet still, I pray for your download... for my savior. Please bring me home. Your beloved daughter...
Next week, our franchise run continues with Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985).
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The Final Destination franchise is a staple for horror movie fans. Despite having no clear antagonist, the threat of an inescapable and horrifically violent demise kept audiences glued to their seats for over a decade.
The franchise is often requested by listeners, and Chris and Joe felt it was finally time to board the proverbial plane; pull out into the proverbial traffic; keep their hands and feet inside the proverbial vehicle; attend the proverbial Nascar event; and... get caught in the proverbial bridge collapse...? (That will have to do).
In this special bonus episode Chris and Joe talk through their experience of watching all 5 movies for the second How to Survive Marathon Video. Though they talk through all the burns, cuts, scrapes, crushes, explosions and eye-ball pops that you'll ever need to hear about.
All of which leads to one question...
Why haven't you watched it yet?
Watch the full video now: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pN00FFtB40
It's episode 168 and what happened here, happened to me.
Hold the Dark (2018) tells the story of Russell - an expert in wolves. Russell is summoned to Alaska to investigate some wolves who have been taking children - and ends up in the middle of something nobody could have seen coming.
We talk about the risks of being instantly boiled to death; the importance of choosing your suppliers wisely, and equally the importance of questioning a brief.
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Your daddy wanted wolf's oil - for you. Do you know that? He said you was "unnatural." That was his word. Unnatural.
Next week, Gareth Evans' 2018 laugh-fest Apostle, which is available on Netflix.
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It's episode 167 and that was my favourite shirt!
Mandy (2018) tells the story of Red and Mandy - lovers who have moved into the wilderness to live in the comfort of each other's company. All that is thrown into disarray when a passing cult leader becomes infatuated with Mandy - and what happens next has to be seen to be believed...
We talk about bringing a gun to a chainsaw fight; spotting drug misuse in the people around you; and the benefits of making sure vengeful people can't enact their revenge.
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: You're just meat. Without a soul, without a brain, without anything. Animal. You, you have no spirit- everlasting! No, no radiant light! I possess elucidations you will never know!.
Next week, Jeremy Saulnier's 2018 Werewolf movie 'Hold the Dark', which is available on Netflix.
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It's episode 166 and our favourite time of the year...
Halloween (2018) is the story of Laurie and Michael Myers, set 40 years after their first encounter in the movie of the same name in 1978. Laurie has spent the intervening decades stockpiling weapons and ruining her relationship with her daughter and granddaughter - but all of that is turned upside down when Michael Myers escapes from prison and returns to Hadonfied...
We talk about the most boring villain in movie history; the importance of screening for staff in your hospital; and the risks of laying down deep roots in a town which has nothing to offer you
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Happy Halloween, Michael. .
Next week, its headspinning art-house horror with Mandy (2018)
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It's episode 165 and it's probably a glitch...
Unfriended (2014) tells the story of a group of friends who are Skyping, instant messaging, texting, Facebooking, emailing and Instagramming each other one evening - when all of a sudden all of those messaging platforms appear to become haunted by the spirit of their dead schoolfriend.
Is it a glitch? A hacker? Or are they really being haunted over the internet from beyond the grave?
We talk about the difficulties of sympathising with the world's worst collection of people; the benefits and limitations of shooting an entire movie over Skype; and there's never been a better reason to turn off your computer and go outside.
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: listen sweetheart you're a f**king asshole and if you don't download right now, I'll come over there and knock the trash out of your ears.
Next week, it's the spookiest day of the year in Halloween (2018)
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It's episode 164 and if you dislike workplace disputes, don't apply to work at Belko.
The Belko Experiment (2016) tells the story of Mike Milch, who works for international corporation 'Belko' in its Colombia office. One day, the doors and windows are sealed shut, and the employees are ordered to kill each other or be killed themselves. The Belko Experiment has begun...
We talk about passive resistance against in a Total War scenario; the importance of picking your fights wisely; and we enjoy a lively debate about the best piece of office equipment to use to kill your colleagues.
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: HR will have a field day with this one.
Next week, we'll be Skyping in for Unfriended (2014).
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It's episode 163 and we're paell-ing on the gore in possibly the best found-footage film ever made!
REC (2007) follows news reporter Angela, and her cameraman Pablo, as they follow Barcelona firemen on a routine night of work. What could possibly go wrong? Oh, just hordes of the rabid undead and heinous religious abuse.
We talk Spanish history, the best splat sound in horror history and the benefits of a little bit of health & safety planning.
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: If this is a pain in the ass, just cut, okay?
Next week it's The Belko Experiment (2017), which is available on Netflix!
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It's episode 162... and maybe the best horror sequel ever...
This week, Creep 2 (2017), in which another videographer is drawn into the path of Josef. Josef now calls himself Aaron, and this time he's hoping to collaborate with Sara. Will Sara's desire to make an interesting YouTube video cause her to become ensnared in Aaron's trap - or will she turn the tables?
We talk about sensible knife-holstering; un-sensible view finder positioning; and why a professional approach to editing and Video SEO is always encouraged.
Whatever happens, one things for sure: Sara loves her juicy fruit. And Aaron loves to kill.
Next week, we say Hola to Rec (2007)
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It's episode 161... and in space... no-one can hear you snore...
This week, Alien³ (1992), David Fincher's first movie, as 'We love franchises' season wraps up.
Alien³ tells the story of Ellen Ripley who, having survived the events of Aliens, now has to fight another Alien (which also somehow survived). This time the showdown is on a planet inhabited by a band of all-male space prisoners who haven't seen a woman in years, and don't have any weaponry to speak of.
We talk about the common-sense fortification; common-sense surgical hygiene; and a common-sense approach to guardpost staffing.
Whatever happens, one things for sure: In an insane world, a sane man must appear insane.
Next week, we return to our great love, Found Footage, with Creep 2 (2017).
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It's episode 160... and I've heated up some warm milk for you, honey.
This week we're kicking off our latest franchise: A Nightmare on Elm Street.
You may remember us covering A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) way back in episode 7 - but don't worry, we're revisiting it with fresh eyes nearly three years on - ready to kick off the latest How to Survive Franchise. Strap in for 90 weeks of excitement!
We talk about the correct handling of evidence both before and after a trial (and subsequent vigilante justice); a thoroughly researched foray into ways to achieve dreamless sleep; and why you shouldn't trust the world's dreamiest ride-share route.
Whatever happens, one things for sure: Oh god, I look 20 years old!
Next week, 'We Love Franchises Season' continues apace in space, with Alien³.
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It's episode 159... and I will not be threatened by a walking meat loaf!
This week, An American Werewolf in London (1981), which tells the story of David, a backpacker who is bitten by (you guessed it) a werewolf while on a trip to (you guessed it) London. David begins seeing visions which seem to indicate he'll transform into a beast at the next full-moon, but are the visions right, or is he going mad?
We talk about the efficient use of firearms; making good on apparent interdimensional conveyance; and the dangers of rubber-necking outside of the world-famous adult cinema in Central London.
Whatever happens, one things for sure: A naked American man stole my balloons.
Next week, try to stay awake as we begin our new franchise... it's A Nightmare on Elm Street...
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It's episode 158... and this one who's blind... She's the one that can see.
Don't look now, but this week's movie is Don't Look Now (1973) - a movie about a couple whose loss leaves them feeling lost. John and Laura seek to escape their grief in Venice - but it's easier said than done for their pair, as their grip on reality begins to unravel.
A safe and healthy dose of health and safety leads the conversation; but look out for our fashion tips for murderers; and more thematic comparisons than you can shake a seance at.
Whatever happens, one things for sure: If the world is round, why is a frozen lake flat?
Next week, John Landis' 80s classic 'An American Werewolf in London'.
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A slight break in the scheduled programming while we carry out some essential podcast admin. (Totalling up votes for the next horror movie-franchise; negotiating licensing on our life-rights with Hollywood studios who want to make a movie out of the podcast; watching rubbish movies. That sort of thing...)
As such, this week is a repeat of 2016's Halloween 'Trick': Wallace and Gromit and the Curse of the Were-Rabbit.
No doubt you'll listen to the end, but don't believe the hype: Next week isn't 'Collateral', it's Nicholas Roeg's 1973 classic horror, Don't Look Now.
Get in touch with your thoughts on what our next franchise should be (only three weeks left!)
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It's episode 157... and I'm giving you a choice: either put on these glasses or start eatin' that trash can.
This week, They Live (1988); a movie in which the wrestler Rowdy Roddy Piper puts on sunglasses that allow him to see the hidden forces which capitalist aliens use to control the world.
We stick it to the man with some personal finance tips for intergalactic overlords; the importance of adhering to a dress code; and Chris enjoys Joe's most concise and coherent quiz yet.
Whatever happens, one things for sure: Mama don't like tattletales.
Next week, Nicholas Roeg's 1973 classic horror, Don't Look Now.
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It's episode 156 - and you now have the option to terminate and be cremated on the premises...
In Escape from New York (1981), New York City has been turned into a prison, with giant walls keeping prisoners locked inside. Anyone who goes in may never come out, and the city is run by criminals - which is bad news for the US President, who has become stranded in the city - and for Snake Plissken, the disgraced Special Ops soldier sent in to save him.
We talk about sane approaches to data protection; the benefits of open sharing of information; and (of course) the correct way to structure any effective team.
Whatever happens, one things for sure: We, the soldiers of The National Liberation Front of America, in the name of the workers and all the oppressed of this imperialist country, have struck a fatal blow to the fascist police state. Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
Next week, another John Carpenter classic, with They Live (1988).
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