It's episode 94... and the future's not set. There's no fate but what we make for ourselves...
Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991) tells the story of John Connor, the son of Sarah Connor. John is the fresh target of Skynet's time-travelling Terminator unit, but help comes from an unexpected source.
We talk about the benefits of simply ignoring the effects of your sedatives; the thin line between being too insane for prison, but just sane enough for a mental asylum; and the benefits of 'Divide and Conquer' (particularly when fighting against a single enemy).
All of which leads to one question...
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...
I know now why you cry. But it's something I can never do.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 93... and look on my works ye might, and despair...
Alien: Covenant (2017) tells the story of a group of space colonists travelling from earth to their new planet. On the way, their ship becomes damaged. Receiving a distorted signal from a nearby Earth-like planet, they decide to investigate, but they soon get more than they bargained for...
We talk about the benefits of wearing helmet, space suit and breathing apparatus during space exploration; the merits of having crew members who don't need to wear helmets, space suits and breathing apparatus during space exploration; and we make a strong case for using any type of interrogation to verify someone's identity.
All of which leads to one question...
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...
Nobody understands the lonely perfection of my dreams...
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 92... and we just made the international sign of the donut...
Mars Attacks (1996) tells the story of an ensemble cast of politicians, soldiers, scientists, tv hosts and donut shop workers, as they fight back against attackers... from Mars!
We talk about how lucky we are to live in a world where Slim Whitman's hit 'Indian Love Call' can be played with three seconds notice; how the best defence is a good offence; and how easily the scientific method can be forgotten in place of positivity.
All of which leads to one question...
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...
All green of skin... 800 centuries ago, their bodily fluids include the birth of half-breeds. For the fundamental truth self-determination of the cosmos, for dark is the suede that mows like a harvest.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 91... and statistical probability of survival just went up to fifty-three per cent.
Jason X (2001) tells the story of Jason Voorhees, the undead, unkillable monster who kills teenagers near a lake. Except now they've taken him away from the lake and put him on a spaceship. So now he's killing teenagers in space.
No, really...
We talk about the benefits of a well-lit combat environment; the importance of remembering your magical abilities of possession in combat situations; and the strangest but most effective robot upgrades on the market.
All of which leads to one question...
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...
You're lucky you weren't alive during the Microsoft conflict. Hell, we were beating each other with our own severed limbs.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 90... and why did it have to be snakes?
Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) tells the story of Indiana Jones, a world-renowned archaeologist, who spends his free time raiding tombs hunting for lost treasure. Jones is happy with his lot in life, until two spies from the US Intelligence Service inform him that the Nazis have begun searching for the mysterious 'Ark of the Covenant', which is said to make any army who holds it immortal.
Now Jones is in a race against time (and the Nazis) to find the ark, get the girl and save the world!
We talk about the the virtue of knowing when to say 'no' to dangerous missions, the importance of back-up on dangerous missions, and for the first time ever: A Choose Your Own Survival in glorious surround-sound.
All of which leads to one question...
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...
You and I are very much alike. Movie Survival is our religion, yet we have both fallen from the pure faith. Our methods have not differed as much as you pretend. I am but a shadowy reflection of you. It would take only a nudge to make you like me. To push you out of the light.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 89... and my name is The How to Survive Podcast. The purpose of today's experiment is to prove the object behind me is responsible for at least 45 deaths in the 4 centuries of it's recorded existence.
Oculus (2013) tells the story of Kaylie and Tim Russell. A decade ago, their parents were killed in mysterious circumstances, and Tim was blamed. Now, years on, they are reunited and set out to get their revenge on the real culprit: a haunted mirror!
We talk about the benefits of blaming any criminal activity on temporary mental illness; the advantages of knowing when to let go; and how technology can be used to plan the destruction of haunted furnishings.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...
I've met my demons and they are many. I've seen the devil, and he is me.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 88... and I miss my f*cking dog. Goodnight.
Life (2017) tells the story of the crew of the International Space Station. After successfully intercepting a soil sample, sent from Mars, the team begin analysing a dormant single-cell lifeform. Before long, the cell has come to life, and before much longer the single cell has evolved into something much more deadly...
We talk about the appropriate risk analysis when you're an astronaut aboard the ISS; the importance of clear and comprehensive communication aboard the ISS; and the benefits of kindness towards all things aboard the ISS.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...
Goodnight Air.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 87... and the guns are out...
Free Fire (2017) tells the story of an arms deal gone wrong. On one side, a group of IRA terrorists, on the other, a swindling South African and his associates. After some bad blood between the group re-emerges, it's not long before both sides are locked into an all-out gunfight - as each individual battles to make it out alive.
We talk about the appropriate clothing to wear to a gunfight; the benefits of streamlining your deceit; and the difficulties of keeping count when under heavy stress.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...
Cardboard armour is protection from infection.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 86... and a the worst sequel to Meet the Parents yet...
Get Out (2017) tells the story of Chris, a young black man who is visiting his white girlfriend's parents for the first time. Once at their secluded home, Chris passes off their overly accomodating behaviour as awkward friendliness, but as the visit wears on, he begins to realise everything is not as it seems.
We talk about the importance of calling out racism wherever you see it; the difficulties of taking photographs using only natural light; and just how essential it is not to be hypnotised when someone is obviously hypnotising you.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...
I would have voted for Obama for a third term.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 85... and let me list all the ways you're gonna die: rain, heat, disease-carrying flies, and we haven't started on the things that want to eat you alive.
Kong: Skull Island (2017) tells the story of a group of scientists and soldiers who travel to the newly discovered Skull Island in the name of scientific exploration. The Vietnam War has just ended, but no war could prepare them for what they face there: a really big gorilla!
We talk about a How to Survive staple: always listen to the experts; we discuss the risks of falling victim to the sunk cost fallacy; and we weigh up the appropriate responses to the crimes of animals.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...
Remember the tale of Icarus, whose father gave him wax wings to fly. But he flew too close to the sun, and his wings melted, and he fell into the sea. But our wings are not made of wax, but Pennsylvania steel, guaranteed not to melt.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 84... and we have ten minutes until the ectoplasmic sh*t hits the fan.
Thir13en Ghosts (2001) tells the story of Arthur, a widower who moves himself, his children and their nanny into a haunted house left to them in a wealthy uncle's will. Before long, the family is trapped in the house, and have to fight against the other residents: twelve ghosts who have been captured and locked in the basement.
We talk about the benefits of coating your clothing in protective spells; the importance of not laboriously explaining your evil plan to your victim before it can take place; and the risks involved in showing up in public after you've faked your death.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...
If you hadn't noticed, I'M A LITTLE BIT OF A FREAK! I come within ten feet of anything dead I go into seizures. I touch somebody, and a whole life full of shit flashes in front of my eyes! Alright? So yeah, I'm depraved. But Cyrus was my friend and he accepted me, so...
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 83... and there's something strange in the neighbourhood...
Ghostbusters (1984) tells the story of three parapsychologist researchers who lose their jobs and decide to open a ghost hunting service. Calling themselves the Ghostbusters, they set out to rid New York City of paranormal threats, but before long find themselves in a battle to save humanity from an invading demigod.
We talk about the importance of establishing a sustainable strategy for acquiring start-up capital; the very real risks of carrying out an activity which could lead to all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light. And we also dig into the 2016 remake of the movie to compare and contrast.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...
As a duly designated representative of the City, County and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 82... and I'm so glad you're here. We have a lot to talk about. So much to say tonight.
The Invitation (2015) tells the story of Will, a man who is invited to a dinner party at the home of his estranged ex-wife. Also in attendance are all of Will's closest friends, (also estranged). As the night wears on, the mood shifts from awkward to extremely awkward before settling on terrifying. Why were the group really invited over?
We talk about the importance of leaving as soon as things a party as soon as things become irredeemably awkward; the redundancy of going somewhere that requires you to observe social norms when you have no intention to observe social norms; and we finally discuss a mathematical formula for deciding if you should leave the house.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...
Forgiveness doesn't have to wait. I'm free to forgive myself and so are you. It's a beautiful thing. It really is.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 81... and Jason Voorhees is back to Crystal Lake...
Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993) tells the story of Diana and Jessica Kimble, two women whose lives are turned upside down by the return of Jason Vorhees. As it transpires, both women are members of the Voorhees family, and only they can stop Jason's rampage. Also Jason can now possess people...
We talk about recommended improvements to the aim of a team of armed FBI sharpshooters; the dangers of staying in a town where most of your demographic have been murdered; and the benefits of using your previously-demonstrated magical powers when faced with adversity.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...
Jason Voorhees makes me think of a little girl in a pink dress sticking a hot dog through a doughnut.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 80... and you weren't supposed to help her...
The Ring (2002) tells the story of Rachel Keller, a woman who falls foul of a cursed videotape. The curse means that anyone who watches the video tape will die exactly seven days after they see it - and after Rachel's son watches the video too, the race is on to find out what's really going on.
We talk about how quick-fix internet marketing could save your life; the merits of recognising when your behaviour is upsetting wild animals; and the importance of keeping your drains clear of waste foods.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...
What is it with podcasts? You take one person's tragedy and force the world to experience it... spread it like sickness.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 79... and possession is nine tenths of the law...
The Exorcist (1973) tells the story of Chris MacNeil, a hollywood actress whose daughter, Regan becomes possessed by a demon. Will enlisting the help of a local priest be enough to save Regan's soul?
We talk about the necessity of stringent diagnostic criteria in modern medicine; the benefits of trusting your colleagues in tense situations; and the importance of listening to experts of all kinds - especially when you've brought them in to do a specific job.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...
The power of Christ compels you!
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's Valentine's Day, and what better way to celebrate than by watching a mediocre slasher film?
But this is no ordinary episode! To celebrate the official day of lovers around the world, we've invited our better halves onto the show to help us tackle the greatest love story ever told (about a mining village that gets attacked by a rogue miner...)
Normal service resumes tomorrow.
It's episode 78... and we are what we believe we are...
Split (2017) tells the story of Casey. A young girl who is kidnapped along with her two friends by a man calling himself Dennis. It turns out Dennis is one of twenty-three personalities living inside the body of one man, and there could be an even more menacing twenty-fourth personality on the way... Will Casey and her friends escape before it's too late?
We talk about the key principles of controlling a conversation; the benefits of excessive violence against the extremely vulnerable; and (as ever) the importance of sticking to your principles.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...
Weren't there those two guys on a podcast a while ago... what were their names?
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 77... and no more being kept in the dark...
Under the Shadow (2016) tells the story of Shideh, a young woman trying to protect her daughter during a major barrage attack in the Iran-Iraq War. During the attack, a missile hits their apartment but fails to detonate. A neighbour claims that the bomb brought with it an evil spirit, and Shideh's world is turned upside down...
We talk about the importance of getting your priorities right; a balanced approach to stress-management; and some common sense parenting advice when you find yourself in a warzone.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...
The movie is in Farsi, so there's no pithy quote to put here, but according to IMDB the movie was actually shot in Jordan, not Iran. So there.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 76... and no more keeping you in the dark...
Lights Out (2016) tells the story of Rebecca and Martin, two siblings whose lives are turned upside down when a ghost from their mother's past re-emerges. But this is no figurative ghost... it's an actual demon who can only attack in the dark.
We talk about the very real risk of killer candles; the dying art of neighbourly charity; and the importance of rigorous ethical approval in experimental science.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...
There's no you without me!
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 75... and everything is permitted...
Assassin's Creed (2016) tells the story Cal Lynch, a man who is taken from death row (after being executed) to a research facility run by The Knights Templar.
Cal is forced to live out the memories of his ancestor, a master assassin whose only goal in life was to keep the mysterious Apple of Eden from falling into the hands of The Knights Templar.
We talk about the benefits of having nothing to lose; the merits of doing a thorough job in killing your enemies (especially when you're an assassin); and as always, the benefits of clear and concise communication.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...
We work in the dark to serve the light.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 74... and time to wake up...
Passengers (2016) tells the story of Jim, a passenger aboard an interstellar spaceship which is heading to a new settlement. The passengers are all kept in a state of hibernation for the 120 year journey. Disaster strikes, and Jim wakes up. Driven mad by loneliness, will he wake up another passenger, Aurora, sentencing her to death for his own selfish ends? Yes he will. But will they survive?
We talk about the difficulty of creating working robotic legs well in advance of them being useful; a well-calculated economy of sharing out a lifespan; and some of the most glaring mistakes in the history of spaceship design.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...
If you live an ordinary life, all you'll have are ordinary stories.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 73... and have you ever seen fire in zero gravity? It's beautiful...
Event Horizon (1997) tells the story of the crew of the Lewis and Clark, a spacecraft on a mission to recover another ship (the Event Horizon) which has been missing for seven years. When they reach the Event Horizon (accompanied by the ship's designer, Dr. Weir), the crew are overwhelmed by ghostly events and their very survival is soon at stake.
We talk about how keeping your hands to yourself is generally a safe option; the importance of leaving haunted vessels where they are; and the subtle differences in latin phrases.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... we created How to Survive to reach the stars, but she's gone much, much farther than that. She tore a hole in our universe, a gateway to another dimension. A dimension of pure chaos. Pure... evil. When she crossed over, she was just a ship. But when she came back... she was alive!
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's episode 72... and the cash cow is ready for milking...
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016) tells the story of Jyn Erso, a young woman who is caught up in the rebel's fight against the empire directly before the events of Star Wars (1977). Jyn and her new friend Casian head a mission to steal the plans for the Death Star to give the rebels a chance to blow it up.
We talk about the benefits of wireless communication; the advantages of having an entire droid army at your disposal; and the risks of keeping your unstoppable secret weapon hidden away until the fight is practically over.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... the power we're dealing with here is immeasurable.
Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
It's the second of our 2016 Christmas Special!
Die Hard (1989) tells the story of John McClain, an NYPD cop who will stop at nothing to save a group of hostages from Hans Gruber, a terrorist mastermind who is staging a complex robbery at McClain's wife's Christmas Party!
We talk about the greatest movie villain of all time; the importance of professionalism from emergency services staff; and the dangers of shouting your thoughts when you're trying to remain inconspicuous.
All of which leads to one big question:
How would you survive?
Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... Hans, babe, put away the gun, this is radio, not television.Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.
Another movie solved by the greatest film podcast in the world!