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How to Survive

'How to Survive' is a film review podcast with a twist. The discussion centres around one key question: 'How would you survive in this movie?' Each episode centres around one classic movie. Often, they are horror movies, but there are also lots of thrillers, action movies, adventure movies and the occasional romantic drama for good measure. If you've ever rolled your eyes when the victim goes outside alone; tutted when the killer returns from the dead; or shouted 'DON'T GO IN THERE!', this is the podcast for you. If you have ideas on How to Survive, or recommendations for films we should consider, send them over to: HowToSurviveShow@Gmail.com
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May 11, 2016

It's episode 39! Whatever you do... stay in the house!

Coherence (2013) tells the story of a group of friends having a dinner party. The evening starts well enough, but soon descends into terror as a comet passing near the earth appears to have an unusual effect on the evening's proceedings.

If you've seen Coherence, you might be thinking 'I wonder if they're going to do something clever to reflect the form of the film'.

But that would've required a level of planning, and writing, and performance that our brave podmasters quite simply have no energy for.

 

Instead, we talk about the safety concerns of insulting a spurned lover rather than consoling them; the benefits of a landline (partciularly for accident prone mobile phone owners); and the best way to avoid disposing of a body in a blackhole without falling in yourself.

All of which leads to one big question: 

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... if there are a million different realities, I have slept with your wife in every one of them

 Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

May 4, 2016

A Long Long Time Ago, on a Podcast Far Far Away...

It's episode 38!

Luke Skywalker has vanished.
In his absence, the sinister
FIRST ORDER has risen
from the ashes of the Empire
and will not rest until Skywalker, the last Jedi,
has been destroyed.

This week to celebrate May the 4th, we're suspending the usual How to Survive discussion in favour of discussing the latest Star Wars movie. With one notable exception, the characters all survive the movie, so we're just talking straight Star Wars.

We talk about The Skywalker Family past, present and future; The Star Wars franchise, past, present and future; and just how much money can you make from remaking the most famous movie of all time...  all of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... The Force is strong with you!

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

May 3, 2016

This is re-uploaded because iTunes didn't like the last one...

It's episode 35! Start your engines. mirror, signal and manoeuvre - it's time for a high speed death chase on the Fury Road! Witness!

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015) tells the story of Max... a man who is mad. Max finds himself assisting in a rescue mission. The ringleader of the operation is Imperator Furiosa who is trying to save five women from sexual slavery at the hands of the evil tyrant Immortan Joe. The only problem is, Joe wants the women back, and is willing to chase them to the ends of the earth.

We talk about whether it's easier to survive being sane or mad when surrounded by madness; the benefits of The Highway Code; and the relative merits of being a benevolent dictator instead of a tyrant.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... I am awaited in Valhalla!

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Apr 27, 2016

It's episode 37, and a returning favourite: Lt. Ellen Ripley and her travelling band of Alien killers.

Aliens (1986) sees Ripley wake up to find out that everyone she ever knew has died... but every cloud has a silver lining. Ripley is able to put her grief and PTSD to good use by travelling with a group of Space Marines to fight an entire planet of Xenomorphs for one of the most iconic action movies of all time.

We talk about one of the importance of crisis management when your career involves being in a lot of crises; the cost/benefit trade-off of sending a group of robots to a planet instead of humans; and how Tower Defence games can benefit survival against a marauding pack of Star Beasts.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... Stop your grinnin' and drop your linen!

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Apr 20, 2016

It's episode 36, and a movie which by definition is the most appropriate film we've ever discussed - The Survivalist!

The Survivalist (2016) tells the story of The Survivalist... a man who is a survivalist. The Survivalist has been surviving pretty well on his own out in the woods. He's got crops, shelter and decent defences - all until his world is turned upside down by the arrival of woman and her daughter. They group form an uneasy co-existence, which soon becomes a co-dependence, and his survival skills are pushed to their limits.

We talk about one of the most succinctly named villains in movie history; whether survival in a Darwinian sense is true survival; and we have an intense discussion about the benefits of different body effluvia as fertiliser.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... this is a movie about survival. 

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Apr 13, 2016

It's episode 35! Start your engines. mirror, signal and manoeuvre - it's time for a high speed death chase on the Fury Road! Witness!

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015) tells the story of Max... a man who is mad. Max finds himself assisting in a rescue mission. The ringleader of the operation is Imperator Furiosa who is trying to save five women from sexual slavery at the hands of the evil tyrant Immortan Joe. The only problem is, Joe wants the women back, and is willing to chase them to the ends of the earth.

We talk about whether it's easier to survive being sane or mad when surrounded by madness; the benefits of The Highway Code; and the relative merits of being a benevolent dictator instead of a tyrant.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... I am awaited in Valhalla!

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Apr 6, 2016

It's episode 34. It's the 1630s in New England. As long as you keep your heart to God, the only thing you have to fear is your entire family being killed by the demonic forces of Satan...

The Witch (2016) tells the story of William and his family. Ejected from a settlement of puritans for being too preachy, William's family set up a farm out in the wilderness. But all is not as it seems, and before long, demonic forces begin to test the family, threatening their faith, sanity and lives.

We talk about important steps you should take to avoid being accused of witchcraft; the importance of thoroughly chewing your food; and the difficulties of being so religious socialising becomes impossible.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... Corruption, thou art my father!

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Mar 30, 2016

If you liked Cloverfield, then you'll love 10 Cloverfield Lane - a movie that has nothing to do with the original Cloverfield except one word in the title!

10 Cloverfield Lane (2016) tells the story of Michelle, a woman who wakes up after a car accident to find she is being kept in an underground bunker by a mad man named Howard. It soon becomes evident that there has been an attack outside of the bunker, so Howard becomes both her prison warden and her salvation - but everything is not as it seems.

We talk about the difficulties of tricking a person who is predisposed to be paranoid about everything they encounter; the fine margins between maintaining uncomfortable safety and incurring the murderous wrath of a lunatic; and the most sudden and terrifying beard-shave in all of cinema history.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... It's the end of the world, and he's upset about a dead pig...

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Mar 23, 2016

It's 32 episodes, but we've finally found a slasher film which stands up to scrutiny - it's You're Next!

You're Next (2013) is the story of Erin, who is visiting her boyfriend's wealthy parents and the rest of the family at a secluded mansion in rural America - but trouble is afoot. Before long, they are besieged and murdered one at a time by a gang of men wearing animal masks - and it's up to Erin to forge a survival plan.

We talk about the pros and cons of being a weapons dealer; the logistics of fighting whilst wearing a mask which basically blinds you; and the relative benefits of continually expecting a crossbow bolt to fly in through the window.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... it pays to grow up in a survivalist compound.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Mar 16, 2016

We're heading back to Camp Crystal Lake - I hope nothing bad happens... it's Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter!

Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter tells the story of a group of teenagers who visit 'Camp Crystal Lake' for a weekend of fun. Whilst there, they are attacked and murdered one-by-one by the marauding Jason Vorhees. - and if that sounds familiar, well done for paying attention.

We talk about how its possible for a film series to go backwards in the development of its characters; what may be the most pointless scene in all of movie history; and as is custom, we have a frank and lively discussion about what we have learned about Jason Vorhees.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... you are the superbowl of self-abuse!

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Mar 9, 2016

This week, a movie with a moral compass that would make Ghengis Khan run for the hills... it's Crank!

Crank (2006) tells the story of Chev Chelios, a hit man who grew a conscience at the wrong time. After failing to carry out a hit, Chev has been injected with a 'Chinese Poison'. The poison has shut down his adrenaline production and now his heart will stop if he fails to produce his own... so now he's on a runaway rampage of revenge and really unpleasant behaviour.

We talk about whether a film with no brain can be criticised for poor representations of everyone in it; the fine line between a healthy dose and an overdose; and the difficulties of finding an adrenaline burst in every day activities.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... It's the stimulation of your blood vessels. Your urinary sphincter's tight as a knot right now. You couldn't p*** to save your life.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Mar 2, 2016

The wheels on the bus go round and round - and if the slow down the bomb on the bus will blow up! It's Speed!

Speed (1994) tells the story of Jack Travers - an LA Cop who messed with the wrong maniac. Now it's up to him to save a bus-load of people from certain doom. As soon as the bus goes above 50mph, the bomb is armed - but if it drops below 50, it's bye bye bus!

We talk about cinema's least consistent bad boy; how a man is able to source major technological equipment on a pension; and the difficulties of fighting to the death when you only have 9 fingers.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... You're not too bright, man, but ya got some big round hairy cajones.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Feb 24, 2016

This week we're covering a horror movie lover's horror movie - it's Scream 2!

Scream 2 (1997) picks up a few months after the events of Scream. Sydney is now at university, but finds herself plagued anew by a marauder in a ghost face mask. As is custom, her friends are picked off one-by-one, leading to a final showdown with the killer - but who could it be?

We talk about the difficulties of relying on a film's mythology in a murder mystery; the pros and cons of gun ownership when you're being hunted by a masked murderer; and of course, how to use horror movie knowledge to your benefit.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... This is a perfect example of life imitating art imitating life.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Feb 17, 2016

Wake up Sleepyheads! It's time for the remake of a Nightmare on Elm Street!

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) tells the story of A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984). Only this time, it's gorier, more unpleasant, less innovative, less exciting, it makes less sense, has uncomfortable themes, less appealing characters, worse special effects, a worse story, worse setting, worse characters and a worse ending.

So look forward to an unbiased and straight-laced review.

 

We talk about a disappointing change in the motives of the villain; a complete lack of appealing or interesting characters; and a frank discussion of the technical capabilities of open-source search engines.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... you're dreaming, but you don't know it. Like, even if you're awake. And then it says that after that, your brain will shut down, inducing a coma. Which is permanent sleep.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Feb 10, 2016

This week we're getting wet and wild with The Poseidon Adventure!

The Poseidon Adventure (1972) tells the story of a capsized super-liner travelling between New York and Athens (Greece, not Georgia). It falls to Reverend Frank Scott to help a group of misfits survive by climbing to the bottom of the ship (which is now the top...)

We talk about the likelihood of suffering a fatal heart attack shortly after revealing a world-record breaking talent; the upsetting lack of mettle shown by a maritime commander; and the logistics of a gyroscopic ship. 

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... In the water, I'm a very skinny lady.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Feb 3, 2016

This week we're keeping warm with The Towering Inferno!

The Towering Inferno (1974) is widely considered the greatest of the run of 70s disaster movies. It tells the story of the world's tallest skyscraper, and what would happen if a huge fire started on the 80th floor, with the creme de la creme of San Francisco 50 floors above!

We talk about improving the efficiency of a one-person chair lift; the difficulty of forgetting about 6 million gallons of water; and the ease at which a fire can be extinguished by running past it.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... It's a fire, mister, and all fires are bad!

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Jan 27, 2016

For Episode 24, we're back in the Wild West, holding off a tribe of cannibal Native Americans. It's Bone Tomahawk!

After three people are kidnapped from the town of Bright Hope by a tribe of cave-dwelling creeps, it falls to four men to save the day. They are the town sheriff, his hapless deputy, Jack from Lost and a man with a broken leg.

We talk about the difficulty of bridging the gap between horror and any other genres; the merits of calling for reinforcements when heading into any hostile situation; and once again, how it pays not to be a swaggering chauvinist.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one things for sure... that tea smells awful!

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Jan 20, 2016

It's Episode 23, and we're talking about the latest movie to feature Leonardo DiCaprio sleeping in a horse's carcass: The Revenant.

Hugh Glass is in dire straits. He's been attacked by indians, bears and even his colleagues, and now he's been left for dead. The only thing left to do is travel across the great American wilderness, on foot, during the harshest winter imaginable.

We talk about the importance of friendship in ensuring a safe and successful Manifest Destiny; the relative merits of hunting marine animals for profits; and we even take Ray Mears to task on his frankly dangerous advice about bears.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one things for sure... revenge is in God's hands .

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Jan 13, 2016

For Episode 22, we're going South - it's The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974).

The film focusses on a group of teenagers on a road-trip through Texas.  The group stops to visit an old family farm house, but finds more than they bargained for when they are attacked and murdered by a 7 foot brute with a chainsaw.

We talk about the importance of safety around industrial agricultural equipment; the merits of emotional intelligence when dealing with a murderous psychopath; and the benefits of keeping up a solid cardiovascular regimen.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one things for sure... That's the last Goddamn hitchiker we ever pick up!

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

 
Jan 6, 2016

It's Episode 21 of How to Survive and that can mean only one thing: It's Friday the 13th Part 3!

The film centres around a group of teenagers who head to a campsite on a lake. Once there, they are attacked and murdered by a marauding maniac. Before you say 'that sounds familiar' you should bear in mind that this movie is very different because Jason wears a new mask.

We talk about the thin but important line between making friends on the one hand, and alienating everyone around you on the other; the inherent difficulty of surviving against a killer whose only definable trait is 'he might or might not come back from the dead'; and the benefits of looking at the physical characteristics of a person before assuming they are someone you know.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one things for sure... Would you be yourself if you looked like this?

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Dec 30, 2015

This week we're talking about a 2015 Horror/Comedy based (very loosely) on the Scandinavian legend of Krampus!

Krampus (2015) tells the story of a family who have lost their Christmas spirit. Despite the best efforts of the the youngest child, Max, to generate some festive cheer, the group are punished for forgetting the true meaning of Christmas by a shadowy demon called 'Krampus'

We talk about the difficulties of bridging horror and comedy; the benefits of remembering one simple and easily achievable survival method; and we dig into some top tips from the SAS. 

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... Weihnachten ist die beste Zeit des Jahres.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Dec 23, 2015

 

This week we're talking about the movie that made Macaulay Culkin the man he is today... it's Home Alone!

Home Alone (1990) tells the story of Kevin McCallister, an eight year old boy left alone (at home...) for the Christmas holiday. Which would probably have been fine, were it not for the marauding burglars attempting to break into his house.

We talk about why Kevin McCallister is an ideal Treadstone subject; the general incompetence of everyone over the age of 8; and of course, the dangers of standing under a blow torch for 7 unbroken seconds.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... we're gonna give you to the count of ten to download this podcast. One... Two... Ten!

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Dec 16, 2015

This movie is also known as 'Blackfoot Trail' in some territories.

If you haven't seen it, head to howtosurviveshow.com to find a link to your own copy.

The movie is from the fringes of the horror genre, but is more than welcome in a discussion about movie survival.

Backcountry (2014) tells the story of two hikers, Jenn and Alex, who become badly lost in the Canadian Wilderness. They manage to keep their wits about them for a short time, before they have a run in with a wild black bear!

We talk about a rod-for-your-own-back approach to food preparation; the pressures of a modern man to live up to unattainable levels of masculinity; and how best to take on a black bear, based on the advice of a 'How-To' blog with questionable expertise.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... we don't know how much this will cost you, we just know how much you pay!

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Dec 9, 2015

This week we're talking about the head, the tail, the whole damn thing... it's Jaws!

Steven Spielberg's Jaws (1975) was the first summer blockbuster - and what a blockbuster it was! Jaws tells the story of Police Chief Martin Brody, and his attempts to keep the island town of Amity safe from a marauding great-white with a taste for tourists.

We talk about the questionable business acumen displayed by a small-town mayor; the appropriateness of a seaside town hiring a Police Chief with a fear of water; and the pros and cons of giving a whole town a deadly neurological disease.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... we're gonna need a bigger boat!

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Dec 2, 2015

It's the catchiest thing to come from monkeys since 'I'm a believer': It's 28 Days Later.

Danny Boyle's 2002 classic is as influential as any 'zombie' film before or since. A massively impactful, bleak and visually astounding movie which takes you on an emotional rollercoaster from start to finish.

We talk about the survival limitations of a high population density; the difficult of catching an outbound flight from a train station; and how a taxi driver came to own police riot gear (or a riot officer came to own a taxi).

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... that's not a lion, it's a giraffe!

P.s. We know it's spelled 'Monkees'. The joke wouldn't work with the correct spelling. 

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

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